Extraciricular Thoughts With God

did god create hell?
what is hell?
seperation from god.
is that really something?
its knowing what god didnt create.
god created life and a purpose for it.
is there things that god dint create?
pain.
seperationg.
sin.
his creation encountered these.
how?
living/acting against gods will.
did god create them?
as punishment?
maybe its a byproduct of "life."
all things made were made through him.
partial ownership to the "un-ness" of god.
so its true.
i dont know how.
nor does it matter how.
hell is.
seperation.
from god.
would god remove himself?
john 6:37 "...and whoever comes to me i will never drive away."
maybe hell is an attempt to be god.
to make life. (what you want)
so why is hell a bad thing?
god alone is good.
so without god there is only bad.
god is.
he can not be a without.
a man goes without.
away from god.
to hell.



just a random process i had with god last night and thought i would share it as part of this

The Right Path To Life

i dont know hoe i feel about end times. i dont think im excited about it. and i think it would be crazy to be a part of.
we know we lived wisely if we live according to gods will. for surely true wisdom lies with him. and it means encouraging others to live wisely. the implications are where im at. being in service to god for others. so that they may know god and his everlasting life.
is it just? theres 2 possible outcomes for life dependant upon 1 decision. will you follow god? the end result is directly correlated to how you live your life. follow god, know god forever. dont follow god, well you forfeit the life god intended for you. so is it just? that god gives eternal life to some and not others? is it something god really does? he offers. its a personal experiance to accept or deny. is it just? god offered, made it possible. wheres the justice? i dont think it applys.

Confessing For Your Group

none of this is speaking anything to me. all my brain recognizes is praise for healing me. praise god for healing the germs in my throat. his compassion is great.

God Encounters

lazy or something

King Of The Universe

yeah gods kingly rule is evident. knowing god is in charge doesnt scare me. it is comforting. he is a good king. a good heart. a heart for all his people. and his heart for the idividual. if gods in control all i have to be is willing to walk in his path. it can be diffivult but it is comfort to know that god is working for hte better of things. with catastrophies and such happening and believing that god does rule in this and every moment. i just feel that god is god. he is the ruler. he knows reasons ,answers, and purposes and i dont. now it seems relatble that other rulers in history have ecountered all the same events. a king is a king. a ruler of people. can he be everything for everyone? no. but as a collective the king can rule for a whole. can bad things still happen to his subjects even if he really cares for them? yes. can the king stop such disasters? he can try. he can use his kingly influence. but can in no direct way rule his people perfectly. to call god a king in this regard is almsot insulting. but whats awesome about god is he is the king of kings. god is so much more! god can be the cause and the shelter. and its out of his love that hes is both.

When Doing The Right Thing Is Against The Law

its like daniel was looking for trouble. he prayed like he always did (where) and it was in the sight of people. sure dont hide your faith , but dont make a show of it either. no matter what room your in you can face whatever direction you need to. so daniel knowing the issued decree prays where he will be seen. like he wanted to get caught.
if i was there with daniel i probably wouldnt be at his side in prayer. i would encourage him but say dont get caught. dont pray in that room. i would still pray myself but probably not in the open. but i guess i do pray when im about normal business and people dont know so maybe...
i dont see the obediance here. i see daniels disobediance to king darius. but i dont see it saying he was obeying god. he thanked and praised. no doubt he was obediant to god but it doesnt really show that. im sure he had his struggle with god, do i pray? where? ok god i will. it just says he prayed. not he obeyed. maybe im supposed to see dont obey what is wrong. i dunno. would go ask obediance to give up civil liberties? why not. its hard sometimes but god wants for me to follow his guidance. and it isnt that its worth it to do so, its my pleasure to bless god. i dont matter. its not that i am rewarded, but that gods name be glorified.
and later...king darius makes the law that you must fear and rever god. wow! i had only heard of laws making god illegal but this is amazing that having faith is the standard for living.

Not A Schorch Mark

i think this would have made me afraid of god. afraid of his power and what he could do and i would be really freaked out.
and god your protection is so awesome that those carrying the 3 into the furnace were burned to a crisp. yet the flames did not harm the 3 bound men. that just amazes me so! god and that you protect me, you say you will and you do. your protection is amazing god. may i have courage to believe and walk in that.

The Shepherd And Me

god takes over as the shepherd. and shepherds the sheep unto him.

so not the best scan, or best sketch for that matter but there you have it

Learn From The Worst

i think ive learned from negative parenting examples but i guess i wont know till im a parent. well i see people and their lives and i think, i dont want to do that. i dont know if im learning but i do observe in other people ways i dont want to live.
ezekiel 18:32
repent and live
do not live in the brokeness any longer

A Mouthful

the taste i cant describe, but it is good and i dont want anything else. but to always have gods word on my tongue would be rad.
some scripture im struggling to understand is the second part of john chapter 5. because its kinda a circular single sided conversation. i just cant track the 2 in 1 god and even the 3 in 1.

God Encounters

again ive fallen into lazyness or whatever and didnt do this one

Remember, God, All We've Been Through

they knew what they were doing, or at least they should ahve. they were told to turn lest they become like the oppressed. they got what they deserved and like they even said, they sold themselves into slavery. and for god, how could he forget all of their past? and all that theyre going through. though god may not want to be consumed with the awareness of all their troubled days this set them up to be freed. they turn away yet god still comes to gather them to him. well my response to israel would be to not help them because they were given so many chances before. god always offers more.

In The Pit

the rains filled the pit just really hit me. its the oh thats how thing could get worse moment. and you came close when i called out. what more could anyone ever ask for than for you to draw near. even when life is at its hardest and you draw near, that is enough! to have your comfort and love.
i call out to god mostly out of selfishness. to hear or have what i want when. other times i just cry out for god. saying god i want to be with you! hear my voice, see my soul, restore me to you. or just be with me god. and yeah sometimes i just dont call out. i just dont want to try. or rarely i just want to sink deeper into the pit. and ive totally sensed the closeness of god. describing is hard because i just know and its not always the same. maybe i just feel his peace or joy or i see him (his evidence) in my surroundings. or i just have his love and blessing pouring over and out of me. i can just sense and feel what is not experienced by human hands alone.

When Dissapointment Comes

the feeling of hitting the bottom. and holding on to hope. the hope that gods love could not run out or his mercy dry up. this is an inspiring passage. and just the wisdom jeremiah lives. he clinged to god. passionately searching for him and enduring hardship.

God's Deep Commitment

if your gonna destroy something its gonna look intense. so im not surprised that god would give such a violent message. gods motives for destroying babylon...it is for good. for the good of israel. they couldnt pull themselves out of the bad so god is going to get rid of the bad they were in. god loves israel! he wants them. even though they sinned he wants them. so much that he is destroying part of what is leading them in sin.

Bad Things Happen To Very Good People

not very.
it doesnt feel anywhere near being enough for me. being stuck in the mud with nothing but gods companionship. i would feel almost hopeless. i would want to pray, "rescue me for this pit and hurry up and kill these people." hope in gods own being? gosh, i hope god will be. no! i know god is! but to focus on knowing god is and will will be instead of praying for rescue. no, its instinct and reaction that we would pray for self preservation. but regardless i would still want god to continue in whatever.

I Will Answer You

IT sticks out to me. that god says call to me and i will answer you. thats what i went through last week! its like god was giving me practice and encourtagement so that i could hear this tonight. i am excited to hear god say that to me. i do believe that god will answer me when i call out to him. why? because he has! god has shown me over and over that he will answer when i call out. in gods time, not mine but the truth remains that god will answer. i just feel excited to see this strength of gods character and his commitment to me. he says to me do not be discouraged. do no think i cant hear you. and dont think that i wont answer you for surely i wil!

God Encounters

so here again i failed to be reflective in the writing sense. i do try and think about the encounters sometimes when im going to sleep instead of doing devo. but yeah its not the same. so this was last night where i just wanted to sleep. so i did. but...well whatever. god was good this week. as is evident life is crazy with work. for a couple of days we thought i was gonna give up my job at the od to take over my dads pilot shift so he could work elsewahere and i was ready to do it! well maybe i wasnt. i wanted to though and was totally scared. so after that letter i wrote iwas out working for my dad and spent an hour just praying and asking god what to do and what he syas and just yeah. i sat in silence just listening for god. then i worshipped. and nothing. no answer. untill today when i realized that was gods answer. i was freeking out and stressing over my job when i didnt need to because god knew i wasnt going to take over my dads shift. so praise to god. but its really got me thinking, what am i going to do. i need to put forth more initiative in seeking work and possible moving. and i need to trust in god more (which is hard for me) instead of demanding certainty. so that was really cool. god blessed me with this opportunity to get a few hours at a time for my dad. to make a little money to help get my car in better shape and to have the money that will help me to move if thats what happens. and my dad is totally blessed too! he has been so appreciative of me and his little bit of time off. rest for the weary, thank you god. and then church last night......i dunno. its so hard for me to focus cause its like the 3rd time im hearing the words. myself speaking or john, or whoever else happens to be speaking in the youth. so i come to @7 wanting to hear god and then i hear the same word. and i kinda feel like a know it all. but i hold out hoping that god will speak something else and i just dont know. but i do enjoy so much just sitting and being there in gods presence. but it was such a struggle last night. sitting next to...i just at times couldnt concentrate because my everything was just so excited. my heart was glad, my legs were jumping, my heart was thumping, my nouth was smiling, my eyes were delighting, just yeah everything. i was barely able to keep myself contained. i was gonna just explode out of happiness. and then were singing god be my only desire and let my heart be torn in two untill your will is my way. or wahtever and it was so hard. i want god! i wanted god! i wanted to just be screaming for him. and then theres hannah, my mind drifts, my focus wanes and...just it was hard. but anyway its jsut been a whirlwind and im trying to anchor to god. or be blown in teh direction he wants for me. so i went to bed tired, lovestruck, and dissapointed in myself. but god is just reminding me as ive been updating for what seems like forever that he just wants to talk. like let him have it. and give him the chance to respond. be ready to hear. and delight in my lord who loves me. so yeah thats that i guesss. not quite the devotional post but its good for me

Consequences That Burn

god did not give hananiah a message. i think god dealt justly with him. he was misleading gods people and he knew it. he spoke for god when god did not give him words to speak. so god said instead of you lulling my people into doom i will destroy you and save at least some of my people. reading this just reminds me that god is jealous. that we are not to profane or degrade or make plain his name.

Telling God What We Really Think

its pretty easy to tell god exactly what im thinking. he knows anyway so why would it be hard to just say it? we were created to communicate to communicate so whyt not? good or bad god wants to have a healthy communicating relationship. it may be hard for god to hear. i mean if i misinterperated stuff and am angry with god he may not like that but he will hear my complaint. or if i just tell him how hard it is on me right now and its whiny, so what. its a natural response. its crying out. to god!
dear god,
i dont know what to think about how your operationg. i know you work for the good, but theres a lot of bad going on. i also know it takes brokeness to be eligible for your repairs and work. i see you working in my friends lives opening doors for them. leading them in trials and you just showed me at camp your "plan" for me. not that im mocking but its so vague and somewhat discouraging. you are calling me to hang and follow you but i almost dont want to rely on you as much as it looks like i might have to. and then theres these opportunites that are scary. i want to jump for them. i want to run from them. i want absolute certainty! i dont like being in this half in situation. its potentially what i want and its definitely a big thing. but im no where near certain what to do. do i quit? do i not pilot at all? am i chasing money? am i looking for a way out? am i supposed to saty in? i dont know! tell me please oh god. leaps of faith are not my specialty. i dont even know if im supposed to leap. speak to me. speak up. why am i in control? take control god. give me authority. be my vision. my provider. my rest. so ill wait for your response. maybe ill move before i get it. maybe ill wait. help me be bold. give me strength.
amen,
dusty

Rotten As Old Shorts

i feel...none of what is asked as valid. i see the shorts and want nothing to do with them. i want to bury them and never go back to them. it can rot away from me instead of making me rotten. god the fathers rebukes are hard to receive. i know hes not against me and i know it is for good. im glad to be corrected. i feel shame and hurt. and i should because thats how to learn im being hurtfull by my choices.
i feel like the father is telling me to put on linen shorts. to clothe myself in righteousness.

A Time To Grieve

things (?) and i agree in grievances are the failures of this world. especially my own. when people turn away and walk in wrong ways my heart breaks. how much more does gods. feeling heart sick expresses that grief. and feeling distant from god. it had to be hard for god during these times. the prophetic and grief. turning away, death, destruction, lack of hope. and god brought them to that place to bring them out. thats hard to relate but knowing his heart for good and our flesh for bad how did god ever continue loving.
galations 5:1

Gods Knowledge Of Us

i CAN believe that god had plans for my life before i was conceived. i can because if he could for jeremiah why not for me? i mean jesus was sent for all. im part of that group and that was long before i was born. im sorta indifferent knowing god knows me intimately right now. its cool but not too impressive anymore. its become basic understanding for me. plus right now i dont really know whats going on in life so im annoyed but anxious. god desires that we pray to him because while he knows everything about us we dont know enough about him. its so we can communicate. have that personall relationship. have it be both ways.

Anticipating The Workings Of God

i have hope god, it is you. my hope is that everlasting life. its you. i have it. joys a bit trickier. i have some and i have it, but do i really? many things bring me joy, god you included. but some joy that i do want is a family. and i trust you will provide. but god may i value the joy of my lord more. peace...i dont have peace that often. but you are that perfect peace. and i want that. and you promise that it can be had. so god give me that perfect peace. it is amazing and i want it more. and it is you. so i guess that means i want you.

God Encounters

god here at camp i just praise you for your work and what a blessing it is to be a part of these students encounters with you. jake choosing you. ty, and holly choosing you. carson, alex and colten wanting to grow closer to you. katie and aubrey wanting more of you and and to be strengthened and encouraged. kelynn just want you to save him from hopelessness.

Jesus Comes to You

i would ask for my new name to dude. just cause im ok with that and everyone calls me that anyway. but just for me i think it would be funny if my name was bitchin. (this is after the fact but it said god will give a new name so its not like it mattered anyway what i want it to be)
god im very happy to know that you delight in me. and that you are happy with me. it just brings a smile to me soul. its enough to make me just want to proclaim it. and yes god it is true that i didnt get a good review, but you , you delight in me! your review reads, "i am delighted and happy with dusty!" thank you for that god

Rescue And Release

i admire gods spirit. that he would deliver me and release me to his work. because god has annointed me! to preach good news. thats the work god is calling to me to do alongside him. the rest is just details. but he has called me to preach good news. to have joy in god that blooms to put praise on display. that in my joy the beauty of god is seen.

Our Wrongdoing

this was interesting to come to this time with repentant heart of all the crazy feelings with family. just saying god i should act like this and then reading this passage that so clearly illustrates how we live life in sin and waht that looks like. so god i pray that i continue to meet with you and purpose to bring my sin before you. and to humbly recieve your love and encouragement to go and sin no more.
isaiah 59:16 he saw there was no one. he was appalled that there was no on to intervene so his own arm worked salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him.

My Love Won't Walk Away

my reaction was shock that god would turn his back, even for just a moment. but he came back! said i will love you anyway. i will do all that i can to save our relationship. thats really cool to hear and see gods love like that. a commitement that wont fall apart..i feel hope and joy. joy that we have the commitment together and hope of that everlasting love. and that you wont walk away. you wont leave me. you wont stop loving me. and you wont forget the commitment we have made to each other.
isaiah 54:10 that verse is just summing it up and it excites me to read and think on. gods unfailing love for me will not be shaken. nor his peace be removed.

The Suffereing Servant

its just yeah our sins are responsible for hurting the land. how i live affects my environment, just like my environment affects how i live.
hell be glad he did it.
jesus will "make many righteous ones" by giving his spirit and new life to those who accept what he did as a personal ransom

The (Un)Forgetful God Of Heaven

how can you be intentionally forgotten? no one means to forget anything. but yes ive been forgotten before. a couple weeks ago when chad forgot i was speaking i felt kinda undervalued. i dont know how many times i told him i was doing it and he just forgot. i didnt feel that bad but he made up for it. i think when friends dont think to invite me (forget) i may be a little upset but for the most part i dont let being forgotten get to me. theres no point. it was an accident. they did not intend to forget me. the times i want to be remembered...i dont know. im a pretty memorable person and recently ive been trying to credit god for surely i couldnt do anything without him. but i would have to say i want students to remember the times god speaks through me for them. not that i shine, but gods word is what i want to be remembered. i knowgod wont forget me, and i dunno i guesss im just nott hat impressed by that. maybe because thats very basic and ive understood it for so long. not to belittle that, it is amazing that god will never forget me.
isaiah 48:11 i love god!

God Encounters

ummm this was like a few weeks ago and i was gonna write about why i didnt do it this day. i cant remember why now. i mean generally lifes been kinda weird but im trying to remember why it was on july 12th. lets see. work has sucked real bad recently and its like killing my soul when im there and it just negatively affects me when im there so i know that spun my attitude in a bad way. i think it was 3 straight weeks of leading first service (then i had camp off and right back onto the night before notice this week so thats really like 4 straight weeks and im up again this week) so im guessing that was a long sunday and the night services have been kinda weird for me. and then we hang out and i try to get home early enough to at least sleep a little cause mondays ive been working early. maybe i just wanted to sleep instead of devo? and then stuff with my mom (healing) and the funeral that may have been that week i dont remember. that all threw me for a loop though. and then the crush thing has eaten at my attention too. so i dunno exactly why i didnt devo. i probably felt justified but i know i wasnt. ive been trying to do 2 a days to get caugh tup cause camp flipped me too. i think ive just felt so exhausted and i made a bad choice to skip devos on these reflective nights. so i dunno lifes life and i fail sometimes. thats that

Dependable Gods?

they promise...happiness, stature, satisfaction. they dont really bring you anything. or whatever is attained is hollow and meaningless.

You're Mine

because i am god, your personal god, the holy of israel, your saviour

The Only God There Is

maybe he thought if he got war going with jerusalem that ethiopia wouldnt attack him. hezekiah goes to god and says hes right, right but now he comes against you the real god and you will not be defeated.

Pictures OF Restoration

none of the healing is speaking to me. what i like about the road is the fact its there. hes on his way! hell save you! i guess i like that because its true and awesome and i guess just a good reminder. hes on his way. that tells me that what i want from god is for him to come.
god im just tired. my brain just feel like its not working thats why i ask for restoration of energy as im going to sleep. i know its not serious or spiritual but i just want to sleep right now.
gosh again bad translation and its just not appropriate for its intended audience.

Thinking That Horses Can Help

we are a stiff necked people. we strive to do everything on our own and certainly we would not turn to god for help. do we believe he can? yes. do we think he can? no. do we even think about god? no. we look to him last because we set our eyes away from him. we get caught up looking at our trouble instead of our savior. and we doubt. doubt that god can save us from our circumstance. that he wil. that if we call upon his name he will answer. its not a matter of understanding sovereignty for surely we never could. its a matter of accepting it. its hard enough to ask for help but then we have to accept it...if i lived every moment in complete surrender to god i would probably be in a scarier circumstance. but that fear is calmed in gods arms that are around me. god will take care of me. but thats scarier than everything else. because i could not imagine or comprehend how he will pull it off. but he will. its teh unknown. thats what prevents us from looking to god for help. because we think we know how to help ourselves but when it turns out we dont know., god knows. but i dont know what he knows and thats hard...ive tried everything i can think of now its gods turn, but what will he think of? eep!

A Strong God

he punishes the leviathan so that its thrashing as it lives and then he kills it. he waters the vine and watches over it. and pulls up any weeks to get rid of them. he offers safety for the vine. i dont see myself in this other than calling(?) to god. not for safety but for life. i feel confident that god will be that for me.
god you have seemed angry to me..that one time but since you havent been angry. upset but not angry. but you have always been caring. and i get it. i understand why you would feel so. i would be ok even if you were angry with me. i deserve that. but but because you care about me you dont give me what i deserve and i say thank ya big big.
my god is mighty to save. that means strong and tender. brutal to the enemies and loving to me.because that is what is required to save someone. im not shocked by it. it is just a comforting reminder that god is there for me to take refuge in.

God Encounters

i dont remember why i didnt do this days. probably tired and lazy. maybe i felt like i did enough for that day i think i spoke all 3 services. ehhh. whatever. looking back now it just makes me laugh that i was going through song of solomon while i was battling desire for hannah.

The Peaceable Kingdom Of God

its a cool picture that a small child will tend to large animals. that neither human or animal will hurt or kill. the earth will bleed living knowledge of god. to be in that knowledge. that kingdom. that life in god. to jsut know. to be in that peace and know.
god i just see how you created us to be. to dwell in your peaceful kingdom. no threats. just peaceful existance, with you! that we wont have fear. just the living knowledge of our living god.

Burning Off Sin

what areas could be refined to better serve god. my flippant thoughts. i get so distracted and lose focus. my attitude isnt always positive but rather than the few negative times it should be willing.
being commissioned to serve and knowing it will be fruitless. ok not fruitless but isaiah sent to a people to proclaim to them knowing from the start they they wont understand and accept and repent but instead they will all die. but in the words of ezekiel, "i did as i was commanded". oh lord, that you would command me and i would be willing. when you are looking for someone ill raise my hand.

Love Is Invincible

i like the woman saying wear my love around your neck and finger. and that love is for one person only so of coarse the man will protect what is his. i just like the statements of taking ownerships and responsibilty for love.
i believe that god has someone for me. i think i wont find her (sometimes) i believe god has appointed a time. i think it cant come soon enough. i believe god loves me more than that. i think i am not worthy of it. god thinks i just need to trust in him and he will show his affections for me. god wants my love and my devotion. and you have it. why am i greedy? why is it not enough or fullfilling? those are the lies. it is enough to fulfill my heart. i am my lovers and my lover is mine. place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm.
the twitterpatedness is returning...oh god be my lover and let me desire burn for you.

God Has Eyes For You

i would like that good sees me as one that looks his way.
i couldnt grasp how loved i am by god. and thats amazing. i am aware constantly that he loves me. but what it means to treasure god. i could use some work there.

Accepted Just As You Are

dont really have insecurites like that. i know i am accepted by god. mor over i am what i was created to be. i dont worry about being accepted because i know i am walking in the creation specifically designed for me. but to tell the lovliest of all wmen that its ok if she cant find me and to stay among her neighbors. thats what ive been wanting to say but my heart is having a hard time accepting that. especially when my other translation is saying that she will be led to him.

Make The Most Of Your Youth

it feels like missing what you can no longer do.saying enjoy it while you can and that i might share that with you. i sometimes feel old. i eat early sometimes. wake up with muscle aches. stiff. not as flexible as ive been. cant go as far without sleep anymore. but i do feel young too. not always on my own but by peoples encouragement. their, "youre young you can do it" it reminds my muscles i am young. wake up. even in my mind i am still young. not completely familiar with wisdom. i like to look young. but my long hair and scruff to me at least makes me look older. i can still see life in my skin. that it will heal. my eyes soft. as far as making the most of my youth. that isnt so important. thats kinda like enjoy yourself and what you can do now. but getting older doesnt cahnge that. sure i may not be as mobile but thats not what matters. i will still be capable to move in response to gods call. and i will make my youthfull mistakes and employ those learned lessons. it is a blessing to live on both sides of it. the wisdom becomes real. and teh stories and memories my own. god will provide interest and entertainment. most youthfull passions will dissolve. and god will keep me in new ways.
"for youth and vigor are meaningless"
ecclesiastes 12:13
micah 6:8

God Encounters

god it is weeks like this (weeks i teach) that these devotional encounters are eclipsed by the studying and speaking encounters. and what a blessing it is that you give me people to minister to and words to speak. your words god. thank you for your word. and the word became flesh. say thank ya. the temple, god, me, i am a temple. purposed that i may seek you and reach out for you. for your holy spirit to inhabit my body that is a temple to your name. how blessed am i that you would live in me forever.
pleasure...god it was a pleasure to spend time with you. to be in your word. to ask what you would speak, "for this purpose you are here..." to make known your plan for the temple. god that has been the pleasure. pursueing hannah...well has not been pleasurable. it has down right sucked. and i try to not think about her...and i fail! o say im sick of it! im done. but why does my head and heart still drift that way? it makes me feek pain, heartache, it makes me annoyed, it frustrates my focus. and i dont like it. i dont want to feel it anymore. i would rather be in my previous state of no relational desires. guide me in your faith. comfort my heart. be my desire!
whats the point? am i chasing her that my flesh would be fed and not my soul? its split. evenly? i dont know. god you created this sort of relationship that completes a man. 2 souls that become 1. a helper. a bride/bridegroom. whats the point! did you promise a spouse for all? is jesus it? not even completely out of selfish desire i say no. you created man and woman. a set they fit together. make whole. but you complete us too lord. so whats the point?!
this pain, it scrapes my heart. not in a healing way, leastbnot that i know of. it just hurts, that what i think i want seems unatainable and dangling in front of me on a string so that its pulled away as i reach. and i cannot find this place, feast or funeral to learn about her. this is what its coming down to. im trying to hand it over to you. my desire. my heart. my faith. i know you are good to me. im trying to let go. just take it already! rip it out of my hands, my head, my heart. your will god. your path. your plan. set me upon it that i may travel it. im tired of hurting. i dont want to walk the path of pain any longer. give me rest in the valleys of your kingdom. cause me to lay down near your streams. lift me up on your wings that i may know your glory and sing its praises.
but whatever you bring into my path, whatever i do god, may i praise your name. help me to lead a life worthy of bearing your name. may you be pleased in your servants life.
god you are the third strand to strengthen the bond between us. whoever us may be. and its not a bad thing that u may be just wrapped up in you. but god i cant do it alone and you have created me for relationship with others. may i seek those out and encourage and strengthen the bonds you connect me to.
so thank you god for meeting with me. for speaking to me and through me. and for hearing me. you dont have to listen. you are god. and i know not. so may i be your chosen and you my god. i take comfort in that god. you will live among me forever. so why should i worry. i got all i need in you. say thank ya.

Don't Go It Alone

i cant do this seriously. im being immature. two in a bed warm each other. i get the spiritual meaning. im just giggling. i cant pull myself together. cant be serious. i get it though. god has created us to be helpers and helped. and himself to be the strength. to keep us together.

Do All To The Glory Of God

the passage does not communicate to gods glory. it reads as a selfish piece. do what you want. make the most of it. no word of doing it for god. it does say god takes pleasure in your pleasure but i dont think thats right. sometimes i am pleased in sin, is god? no! and these questions are bad. in what ways does god seize? drink? relish? its not proper. doesnt make too much sense. but to answer god takes pleasure in his creations praise. god would enjoy advancing the kingdom as i do. i need to seize the kingdom. to drink god.
go i need to enjoy you more. and enjoy with you.
even reading the chapter i dont like the attitude. life is meaningless. whatever your gonna do enjoy it cause you dont know when youre gonna die and then theres nothing for you. in death there IS life. and to those who love god it will be richer and fuller than our mortal lives.

Pain

you can definitely learn a lot at a funeral. but more than at a feast, i dont know. lets see a funeral has a point and purpose. a feast is full of many going ons and can be distracting. you are more likely to learn a more general thing at a feast.
trying to remember extreme sorrow. not sure if ive felt that or not. as far as learning something out of it i dont think i would have. im not too open to recieveing anything when im upset. is crying better than laughing? better for what? sometimes i laugh so much i cry. its and odd interpretation but yeah crying kinda scrapes things away while laughter doesnt.

Whats The Point?

"we work to feed our appetites; meanwhile our souls go hungry"
that is a true statement and i guess i relate to that. i mean more often i fulfill the desires of my flesh instead of my soul. i work so hard to obtain whatever and in the end its worthless.
can i put my time into people instead of stuff? i think i enjoy them more anyway. its not as fast satisfying but it definitely lasts longer. peaople are my inheritance. they are what i can take into heaven. not my possessions. so why do i want stuff so much. satan trying to fowl me up. lead me astray. distract me. rob the kingdom. i just need to learn how to live properly in the kingdom. what that means. what it looks like. and to want that lifestyle more.
yeah i was able to see jesus and see his case. present mine. and see his heart. he wins. i can hear his points and they are right. i wanted that so i said so. he was that friend that led me to the right end.

Giving Into Every Impulse

i have pursued my materialistic desires with hope they would being pleasure. i have pursued the pleasures of a girl (not well) i have pursued god (again not so well this week). i was attempting to get entertainment and status. wanting to fulfill my desire for companionship. wanting to see and hear god speak into my life. to enrich and encourage. to be educated. pleasure whispers in my ear that i will be happy, it will feel god.
god are these worth pursuing? that i seek after a relationship because...well..thats what my heart is wanting. like a craving my heart likes the way a relationship feels and it ttugs me in that direction. that she is beautiful and i want me eyes to behold her. that she is mysterious and my brain wants to get to know her. that something inside me said we could be something together minstrywise. i am not seeking sexual satisfaction. in fact i know i would not recieve it and that makes me glad. i want to know her. i want to spend time together. so god the pleasures i pursue on a regular basis... relationship is not one. so was it bad? maybe. youre the judge. but i do know that i allowed myself to be ruled by it for a night. i dwelt and i shouldnt have. and for it i "suffered" that night. but god i when i seek after you and allow myslef to be led in your ways that is the one true and great pleasure. my usual pursuit ok good tiems and entertainment is that "worth it", fullfilling? not really. its not the point. you are. im not fighting for my point but we know that SOMETIMES you are exalted through these pursuits. they can be good. but its you first that makes it that way. so may i pursue the pleasure that is knowing you and dwelling in your presence.

The Skeptic And The Believer

two things god. that i may speak truth, and be fed. oh that you would give me strength and wisdom to keep your love on my tongue and breath. and your words be sustenance to me. that you will keep me well fed never dishing up too much on my plate of that i would ask for more but you will feed me perfect portions. and you will not deny me say thank ya.

God Encounters

god its been a while and i dont dare look back to try and remember. but i to come to you now in reflection of what i do know. god you were so amazing at camp and i give you praise honor and glory. you just came in such awesome ways. thank you god for stopping the rain around us. for intentionally putting students on my boat. for using me to minister to an encourage and love them. i was so blessed to loving lead ryan to you. and to be a part of the baptisms. for being your mouth to those students and speaking your truth and life over them. i thank you for the work you did in students lives that brought them closer to you. and for the trust that they could ask me for parayer and encouragement. and i thank you for the opportunity to serve at the shack and to just be friendly to the students. i pray that they just saw your love and joy and life out of my willingness to crush ice and make up silly flavors. and god you are good because i know you used that to reach students. that they felt loved and accepted and welcomed. and i thank you for the words you apoke to me through chad that was so was so encouaraging for k.q. and even the word that you spoke to me to be baptized. and how you took the pain away with my mom and that you are loving and encouaraging me in restoration in family. and i was os blessed with all the days off and time to spend wioth family and to have fun. and to love and encourage my dad. god you have been so good good to me and i thank you. may we continue in this walk and learn and love and speak. thank you for your words god and for your peace and comfort. thank you for being my heavenly father. happy fathers day.

Noticing The Needy

to have understanding. to see, not ignore them. treat them fairly

Word To The Wise

proverbs 28:13 and 26
to confess my sins and renounce them and to not look to myself for help but the wisdom of others. you cant save yourself. i cant help myself. help me oh god. help me to resist temptations and walk in your freedom. to gain wisdom and use it.

Widom With Feet On It

fear god is the one that god ahs been leading me in. respect, revere, love, live. it connects to me to allow myself to be led by god and to obey his calls.
i had a hard tiem doing the wise thing because it was against the desire of my flesh. it was hard to be selfless instead of selfish. but it was so good. many were blessed where there was no gaurentee of blessssing if i acted selfishly. and god i think you that you impart your strength when i request. your strength that does not struggles to do teh right and wise.

a representation of mysyself as wise....
(insert picture)
gray hair, long teeth, awesome beard. things that represent wisdom



so the picture i drew pretty much looked like a dog but you cant see it!!!!

Dollars And Cents

i havent really purchased anything in the past week. i ate some food and bought a pack of backwoods. nothing practical. just comfort and pleasurable spending. the food seemed wise because it was time spent connecting with family. the cigars though wasnt really. just trying to calm mich down and enjoy something myself. i dont feel any guilt or frustration. i feel good about the way money was spent.
23:20 those who drink too much. there is a degree?

Wait For God

"an impulsive vow is a trap; later you'll wish you could get out of it." iw ould think this stands out because i can be very impulsive, especailly with money. and i think what i waste. but i remeber agreeing to something on teh spot and then being told to wait and pray about it and when i did god showed me that i woudlnt have been able to fulfill the commitment. it makes me think of being responsible. and you cant just rush in to large commitments.
god i just feel conscious of using my credit cards to fulfill me material desires. my argument is it would help my credit whcih im trying to build and make me happy. but can i really afford such things? even paying it out over time? my bils are already enough to occupy my money so why add to that? i just need to really think and seek you in how to spend money and what will be beneficial. like i didnt really care much about this passage but i was exploring it and myslef to connect to you. i have been giving it thought and have pretty much just been in a draw. i dont mind but ti did make me realize that i should just seek you. so god in my future considerations help me to seek your wisdom and advice.
proverbs 20:1 being led astray by them is not wise...but just aprtaking/ enjoying a little isnt leading astray...is it? certainly it is giving it a chance.

Week Off

so heres what happened, 106 straight days of purposed and led devotions. and then it was almost time for camp. i didnt know how i was going to do this and well i dont take time to think and prepare. teusday it thought that i would be able to do this before i slept under the moon. i had time during the day but put it off. and then night time came and so did the rains. i was really stressed and grumpy and without light. so i didnt do the devo. wednesday i thought hmm maybe i will later and maybe ill just not. well i didnt. i was busy but thats not different from normal life. and then camp actually started. i dont think i would have been able to do devos if i tried. so tired so busy. coming out of camp i was so tired and so broken. i barely made it to church sunday night which i only wanted to so i could just be in gods presence and it was so awesome. he gave me rest and helaing with family stuff. i would not have been able to do devotion though. prety much cried all service and held myself together at in n out because i hadnt really eaten all day. cried the way home and somehow made ithome before i fell asleep. but it was such an amazing night that i was just full of peace and love. monday i made it to chico still kinda messy but i god was good to me. i pulled out my stuff to do devotions and then i thought to myself if i wait 1 more day it will be a aweek off and ill pick up and be on the same schedule i was on before. so i prayed and told god thats what i was going to do. so after 106 conitinuos days i pretty much stopped. and felt attacked non stop. whether it was good or bad i dont care. but the devil was speaking lies to me that i failed and shouldnt start again and blah blah. and the truth is i never made any commitment to this. i said it will be what it will be. and it turned into something awesome. total blessing. i dont think now that i failed because god spoke to me so much at camp and in those days and i sought and relied on him so much. so it was different but i think it was just what i needed. so i resumed the solo devotions and it was so refreshing that first time. and then...ive been up and down since. habit, obligation, really wanting to. im at 8 days now and i dont know why i keep track. it was such a big deal for me before but its not a way to measure spirituality or realtionship with god. i pray everyday and live with my savior. so by doing daily devotions i am encouraged and blessed but its not the basis of my faith. i think devotions are important and amazing. but i need to stop thinking in terms of accomplishment and pride. god i am here to seek you. let that be my purpose

Humility

i think the only one that hasnt described me is hding behind my wealth. not because i dont really have it but because i tend to not think of it as mine or that it can protect me. i have what i have give freely out of that. i would like to be always learning. i would like to have ahealthy spirit to conquer adversity. my fears aboiut being humble are funny. im afraid that i wont get to be me and live my life. it is silly but i get attacked that if its not me but god then when will i get to do waht i want and what makes me happy. living in gods name though is just that. its what i enjoy and want to do.
what can you do when the spirit is crushed? that is just hard true. and being safe in gods name. these just hit me as teh good and bad.
i thnk ive been trying to answer without listening about k.q. i keep saying i need to listen but so far i havent and i keep trying to jump ahead to it. and god im searching. trying to listen wherever i can. i need you god because i could not be confident in 1st service or even want to do k.q. without you. god help me to know your strength that carries. its your words, vision, projects that i want to do and it cant be without you. i need to be constant and devoted. thankd you for opening your amrs to me.

God Encounters

so yeah i wasnt being to watchful of my words today but thakn you god that dalton was there to call me out. he was your voice reminding me to be nice and purposeful love. though i was joking the new students could have been confused and thought i was a jerk and really i do care for them. so god prepare them for me. and as always these times connect so much with life. you shepherding me and helping me to examine myslef and my actions. and through it all youre proving your wisdom. thank you so much for blessing me with your wisdom. help me to have a vigialnt heart and no be lured into ambush. god may i value you above all else. and thank you for speaking to me tonigh tabout k.q. lets get together some more and figure it out. and god prepare me for camp. let me be empty of myself and full of you to pour out. good night. amen

The Importance Of Words

i dont think ive been very sarcastic today. i was a little to pat ans less to amber. i dont really remember encouraging anyone. i did talk to jeremiah and i think that would count as uplifting. i think mostly today was just full of idle chat.
and yes god help me to think before i speak.

Wisdom On Your Doorstep

no cattle, no crops; a good harvest requires a strong ox for the plow.
im shocked that the book has just what i feel in it! i have been lazy. and the verse about working to get somewhere is what is standing out. i need to be active at least a little in prep/prayer for k.q. i know i need to focus on camp for now but i still need to be at least prayerful . because it is looking like it can be a lot of work and i want to put in the time. god i dont want to be lazy with the vision youve given me. i want to be your hands and voice and i need you for that. being me to you. so that i may be a fine vessel overflowing with your love and word. god you are inviting me to seek after you and your kingdom and that is so fitting because thats what you gave me as the vision for k.q. may i have my life as and example for this experiance.

Self-Examination

this seems like one that weve been through a few times. but god may you always continue to bring light to new areas. we know areas i am weak and strong. help me to mature and stand firm in them god. and reveal new aspects to me. something i can grow in and something i can be encouraged of.
"he who conceals his hatred has lying lips" so much of this has to do with wisdom. and i mean duh its proverbs. but this verse just stands out and i dont really know why. i think its a good truth just kinda hard to process. because im not supposed to have hatred , yet its ok to discuss what i dont like or whats bothering me. i think youre just stressing communication. that i can process more with you. i dont want to liew and i dont want to hide. so god help me to be purposeful, respectful, and voacal with life and issues.

Lured Into Ambush

it realtes because there is someone that does make preparations and looks for ways to ambush me. im tempted by curiosity. by what i dont know and therefor think im missing something. and i think i just want to see, or know without concern for how it will affect me. i know it would be right to be more involved with me mom but i dont. i drag my feet sometimes in walking and preparing for studying gods word and proclaiming it to the students.
god this is who i am. or is it? or am i? maybe that was the old dusty and satan wants me to think that since the new dusty may act the same i still am the same. i am not. i am a new creation. one that shares a body with jesus. so god, that is my human nature. but i am different and filled with the holy spirit to overcome my shortcomings.

Keep Watch Over Your Heart

well, duh!
i need to keep a vigilant heart.
keeping watch over my heart would look like me being careful about what i expose myself to. it would be spotting things that would not benefit me and not allowing them into my eyes, ears, and thoughts.
its just like an echo of what you were speaking to me last week. be careful of what i let shepherd me. and allow you to be my good shepherd. even this passage echoed that you will lead me in wisdom and on good paths. help me to keep strength to stay with you on your paths.

Worth Far More Than Money

it might look like sundays, but all the time. looking for someone thats speaking, listening, looking for you and your word, hearing it would look like...just looking for you wherever. you cant put a price on wisdom. so is it better than a big salary? not really comparable like that but it is defintely more beneficail. wisdom might not be accepted by everywhere but it is of higher value to god. the only place we should be concerned with accpetance.
wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked mne. god i could never be satisfied wisdom. you always have more so continue to bless me with it i pray.

God Encounters

god its been a tough week. through these times it seemed like we just werent connecting. we had our times but i think i was just being distracting. unwilling to press into you. but god i was blessed by your love and how you spoke to me. about knowing your words in my heart, being confident that you are god and that means you are all goodness, spending time on your word and really letting it set in. and praising you for being god (to everyone) and the word you gave me to share this morning with the students. thank you for that goodness that it was your word and that you spoke. i wasnt too confident in myself but holding out that you would mover. and you came through for your names sake and i praise you for that. and god im so excited that youve begun speaking to me about kingdom quest. may we continue to talk about that. and just prepare me for camp first. god i want to do so much but help me to walk in your time and in your faith. thank you for being my good shepherd.

Praise Him, Sun And Moon

i just see him as god. no different. not any more pronounced. just god on high and everything praising him. i praise him. he treats me no different, with abounding love. he is god and that is enough, i praise you for that god.

No One Is Left Out

i usually just dont think like that. either i know some ones a christian or if i dont know its cause i just never thought about them like that before. sometimes for whatever reason ill think of someone and hope that are a believer and pray for them. but i never considered mark until last sunday when we briefly talked about it. i generally see the hockey commmunity as non believers and for the most part it ends there. sometiems i want to be an example to tehm and other times i just dont have any thoughts. we just are. but yes god is all goodness to all of them. whether they accept it or not god is for them. even the ones i think are horrible people. the piece that sticks out to me is god sticks by all who love him. just like last week if i fail god is with me and glorified because of it.

Chewing On The Cud

i just feel peaceful. calm. i dont think its cause im tired. its just i realized some stuff tonight and its pretty cool. im just happy to be where i am. because its out of gods goodness that i have things so good even though i dont always see it like that. but being open. myself. i really saw who i am and it was pretty aweseom. god you are just so good. and god i think i know what you want me to do with what youve given me. give me the strength god to bring honor and praise to your name. give me your wisdom to know and proclaim your word. and give me eyes to see your kingdom as i quest for it. i praise you god. you are good. thank you. much love

My Sould Is A Baby Content

yes, i am content in the presence of god and resting in him. thank you for complicating that.

Confidence In God

moonstroke? thats just...silly. cant really make that fit into this exercise. thats ok. because i do trust god, a lot. i trust with so much but sometimes i doubt him wven though im trusting. so help me to grow to not doubt. because i know i shouldnt yet i still get trapped.
yeah or just laughing with me about getting moonstroke. it is ridiculous. gods just having a laugh with me.

The Gift Of Scripture

i believe gods message is a living word. it holds value of knowledge of the past and wisdom for us today. john 1:1 sums it up. but i have a hard time wit it. most times its boring and i dont understand it. thats because i try and read it like a book. but when i spend time in the word and study god speaks volumes to me. its just hard to sit myslef down to read with the attitude of intent to hear god speak. i could value gods word more by remembering it. by keeping scripture in my heart (i do) and the address in my head (hard!) that portrays value that i would still have it even without a physical copy. and its beneficial. so ill chalenge myself to memorize a verse as i get back into your word.
such a blessing you are god, you gave me 3! psalm 119:11-13 "i have hidden your word in my heart that i might not sin against you. praise be to you, o lord; teach me your decress. with my lips i recount all the laws that come from your mouth." such fitting verses god you are so good. through your strength may i bless your name by obeying and recounting your word.

God Encounters

praise the lord. thats what i come back to after checking these out. just ways to give you praise. my life. my conversations. my service. just living to bless god. and it was a good week to learn this. through your word and circumstance. god i was so blessed this week to be able to serve cookie, to bless brandon, to speak your words, to talk with adam, to love on nick. god you are so good and i give you praise. you calmed my anxiety and you moved this morning. i praise you god.

Spiritual History Lessons

because hes good.
god im just pumped for tomorrow. slightly worried that ill fail but i know toy are good. and you are good to me! you gave me this opportunity and desire to grab it so its not like it will be bad. if i fail it is to your glory and goodness. i really feel that you led me here cause i wanted to do chapter 23 but you spoke our in a different area. and just your goodness amazes me that youve given me a practice run at presenting this and im excited for it. i pray that just you work, that you open our mouths, hearts, and minds. i dont want drones. we are not drones! and i do feel that you are for me. thank you for being for me.
you calmed my anxiety
praise the lord
what if i declared that after everything?

Blessing God

god im just eager to praise you. none of the verses stood out why i just want to praise. one reason god is that i got to talk with adam today. and yesterday you and i were talking about how to get out your message and praise you and it was just like that. it was really cool to openly talk about you and think and praise you and give you the praise and honor you deserve. so yeah. just excited that i can praise you.
praise the lord, oh my soul. ptl.

When The Rocks Cry Out

we can get gods message out in our praise by, get this praising him. profound right? but im talking about praising god. wherever. whenever. (not you shakira!) not just at church our in our groups but in our lives. if we were at the store and youre talking with someone dont be afraid or ashamed if conversation turns to god and priase. im not saying make a scene. no thats not exactly right. if we are are to love and praise god with our lives we need to do just that. unashamed. not worrying what the passerbys might hear and think. its not hard to imagine that god likes it wehn his people celebrate. in fact he has told us to in some occasions. if were happy why wouldnt god like us expressing that? thats what i thought. god partys with us anyway. right now i coudl celebrate gods guidance and purposes. it comes to mind because as ive prayed for opportunites hes blessed me with them. right now that is covering first service this week.

I'll Worship You Undivided

didnt really notice anything. my mind was concerned for the posture i had. up or down. when do i change? how many times do i do this? but one thing was on my knees i paused to look up when i read "look me in the eyes and show kindness" "and they dont care a thing about you" just pondering what this refers to in its resonance in me. give consideration to different possiblities. do not weigh them but look at them and my heart will know. i dont think that my body hindered me even though i was distracted. because i usually get distracted somehow so that wasnt really different. did it help me? i can see how it could have been amazing if i was expressing the passage in my words and for real. not reading. like if i were to come to god while something was against me and i knelt at his feet praising his love, asking for blessing and deliverance. but since i was reading i could really explore the posture or immerse myself in this role.
i really like this psalm (86)

The Posture Of Gratitude

i am choosing not to include the list of things i am thankful for simple because im being lazy and dont want to type it all.
your name is near.
of coarse im thankful of gods complete control. it is that comfort and faith that i am in gods hands. the same hands responsible for shaping the world. because when i dont know why things are happening he does. and it is for a good purpose, gods. i dont have to know why but i know god loves me and that is why things work the way they do.
i thank you god for your name is love. my friends talk about your good works. you say i give in my time and righteous judgment. when things seem hard i uphold you. rest in that. to the wicked do not disrespect heaven and speak as if you are entitled. no one can make someone holy. but god can. in the lords han are empty possessions that he gives and the wicked obsess over them. but i will praise god forever. the wicked i will withhold, but the righteous will be lifted up.

Can't Get Enough

i do want to have this strong desire for you. yes i have slackened some and i want to have greater passion for your name. to seek after you. to thirst for you. to want you. to look forward to you. but why? why do i wan such passion for you? because some times this feels forced, and habitual. thats not what i want. to want to spend time with you because i should. i want to spend time with you because i want to. i want to hear you. i want to speak to you. i want to hang. i want a relationship with you.
because youve always stood up for me, im free to run and play.

God Encounters

sovereign lord, you are good and worthy of all my praise. i thank you so much for your provision and abundant love. you have made divine appointments and i say thank ya to helping me keep them. getting my hair cut by amber was really cool. that was you taking care of me so i didnt have to talk to a complete stranger. and that we got to talk about you. that was even cooler. sharing my faith and exhibiting your love. and this deal with rebekah. forgive me for being an idiot and thank you for helping us to "resolve" my issues and i pray that we may (me especially) continue to walk in your truth and love and not allow the enemy any space to even whisper any lies. god you are so good to bless me with amazing friends to care for me so much. thank you for helping me tet to where i need to be. may i continue to seek after you and opportunies to encounter you. thank you for loving me, hearing me, healing me, blesssing me, loving me.

Solid Rock Under My Feet

god right now no amount of words could express my gratitude for you. for being my rock. you are more solid than any rock. you can not be broken, or ground down. no polishing could cause your love to shine more. no river could sweep you downstream. and my faith is in your word (yes this rock can talk) that as i live my life upon you, you will uphold me through anything. you will not allow harm to come to me. only what will strengthen me. i could not fall away from you. wherever i may find myself you are with me. so may i continue to stand with you and thank you that our of your love you are being god right now. your active involvement in my life is such a blessing, encouragement, and welcome nudge. opportunity to serve. people to talk to. making me thinkg about mom and grandma and grandpa. opprtunity for healing and understanding. i walk boldly with the faith and knowledge that out of your love will bring victory and praise to your name through these trials. lets rock.

God, Pay Them Back!

dont they know. dont they know that there is a truth and what they have isnt it. dont they know how it will end, turn out. theres so many options that all prove each false. why cant people see that. one has stood the test of time. and prophesy. and history. it shines as the only proof and why cant so many people understand that.
why do i know my desires are fruitless and proven wrong and still fetch after them. if they have that knowledge or understanding or desire why dont they embrace it. or why dont they turn to it instead of the other things they are filling the voids in their life with. but they are seeking. and they are trying. and i am working on it. though we seek after lies and want fruitless satisfaction we know it ALL comes down to god. faced with that absolute how do we carry on. in failure. in triumph. in connection to the spirit. in the presence of your name. it is you. it is you. god, you are the mark we set our aim upon. may we (i) allow you to guide our (my) path to make it known.

Soak Out My Sins

we make a bigger deal out of them cause thats what satan wants us to believe. that our sin is greater than we think it is and that gods love isnt enough for it. that god will not love or forgive and we are lost to sin. but we love god and he loves us. my faith is in the once and for all sacrifice made for me personally that my sins are forgiven and god wil love me.
even after i have sinned god my desire is you. put in me a pure heart and renew strong spirit in me. you do not cast me out. what you ask is broken, humbled, and eager yearning. so god let me open my lips to declare you praise. sinners will turn back yo you and your love will still be upon us. thank you god for washing my sins away.

A Safe Place To Hide

i dont really know that that means. to feel safe. i dont think i ever feel safe. or unsafe. but i guess maybe its when i feel most comfortable. when i just dont have cares or worries and i just feel ok. i can disstinctly remember having no cares, good times when i would hang out with karl or rachel. i think its because we just understood eachother so much. and felt free to be ourselves. we would just be. and things just felt fine. even when rachel and i were attacked by a bat, cause nothing was really ok then.
im really annoyed bu the words in this passage. its just an awkward translation that doesnt nescessarily make me feel safe or secure. i think its repeated because he is praising god for who he is and how he is for us. if i took time out and stepped away from everything to look at god, wait isnt that what im doing. yeah my life would look like i was seeking aftrer god and admiring him.
wow this is a horrible translation.

Celebrating God

reading it makes me smile. it makes me glad. "blessed are you who run to him" it yeah just makes me happy. praising god for all his goodness and then the truth of that statement. turn to god and you will be blessed.
turn to god, hallelujah.
oh you dont have to tell me twice to go chill under the stars and admire god. and i will enjoy it!

Rescued From The Pit

i would be nervous and afraid. probably just sit and rock. i dont know what i would think about god. i wouldnt think he forgot me or is punishing me. probably think god will save me if he will and maybe he wont. that would be scary. i would say to him im here. save me. give me peace. calm me. protect me. deliver me. and when you deliver me im sure i would jump with joy and sing your praise.

God Encounters

so this week was like hippie week i guess. times of you revealing your creation an me just admiring it. and thank you god that you created things just for fun and entertainment and beauty. and just reminders to be open and honest with you. just a reminder to be real cause i need that sometimes. and to be rooted in your word god. so that i may continually bear fruit. and be led by you. and we had a good time hanging out under the stars just kicking back. and im so blessed by you that there has been healing with my dad and i pray that that keeps up but we also spoke of healing with mom. today was....well i dont think ide call it a start but it was something. thank you for bringing me through that. and to stay with you. lord i dont want to ever be without you so help me to resist that temptation. thank you for today, for friends, family, fun, church, and may my days be a blessing to your name.

Staying With God

how many times have we been over this? i do talk to god honestly. raw. with confidence. what will it take? my desire to be with god. to to honestly say that, would take faith. faith that god is waht he says he is and what i need. to be fearless, god you are my strength. when am i tempted to quit on god? i dont know. sometimes i want to not be a christian for a moment, not to quit but just for a moment. usually when im upset with people. but even if i wasnt a chrisitan i would not feel ok if i treated then the way i want to. i guess i just dont run from god because i know its pointless and doesnt go anywhere.
yes help me to live the life you want me to.

Tell God Your Desire

healing. healer. i want to have healing in the way i think of my mom and our relationship. i dont want to be annoyed when i think of her. i want to have a happy association with her. i want to be a good son.
healer be my comfort.
but i trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

God, Brilliant Lord

toddlers shout the songs
your handmade sky-jewelry
i didnt pick comparisons. im not being rebellious or arguementative. i just liked these two phrases. and there is no compare to them.
what could compare to toddlers shouting songs of praise? thats just awesome, cute, precious, whatever. it is just pure. toddlers dont care. they want what they want and i want god!
and your hand made sky-jewelry. again i adore you creations in the sky. but thise verse doesnt just speak out to me. its not limited. god you hand made me. and one day i will be in the heavens with you. and god that just makes me want to love you. to sing your praise. and to be a brilliantly shining jewel that adorns your creation.
just shooting it god. just chilling. with you. hanging out under your stars and the near full moon. and theyre pretty amazing.

A Tree Replanted In Eden

the strength of tree comes from its roots. our strength comes from our roots. if we root ourselves in gods word he will make us strong and grow. sin saloon, dead-end road, and smart-mouth college. where are these places in my life that i need to avoid? i dont think theres really places but rather choices. like if i choose to just sin sin sin and not care or follow paths that arent leading me to god, or to not carry respect on my tongue. i think its more of the way i need to live my life than where i live it. if i was bearing fresh fruit every month i think it would look like this. not different fruit every month but just fresh supplies. being able to continue to walk with god. and sure some new things may blossom but its more of keeping my strength up.
god i pray that you guide me so i will always be in blossom and bearing fruit. i pray that my roots may go deep and find their place in the healthy soils of your word.

God Can Handle You

god you like honesty. not just that i live honest but being honest with you. i like it. if im mad and i tell you i am and why you like that. because yeah thats better than speaking foolishly about things i dont know. so rather i can talk to you about what i do know. god of coarse you can handle me and its not like youll be stunned by what i tell you. and i do truly believe that you desire a true and honest intimate relationship.

Creation Movie

my favorite part is bringing water to the unvisited fields and deserts no one ever lays eyes on. i actually dont think i can pick a favorite part of this because when i think about whats happening i get excited but what i want to see isnt there. but its still a very cool passage. and my reason for choosing the unvisited and unseen is the answer to the next question. i am more fascinated by gods planning then his subdueing. that god has purpose for everything and measurements for it all and timing just excites me. god knows what he is doing and he does it with tender affection. his plans are for everyone and everything and they are whole and complete. god as a lightning launcher again excites me. i like to watch lightning! and that power that is god sending it forth carving his creation is proof of his active role of tending to us and the earth. i would want a front row seat to the creation of the stars. to see each one, hear its name, know where it will shine and for how long. and what other stars it will join with to form amazing constellations. and to hear the stars sing! to sing praise with the stras in their creation. except front row i might burn up but jk thats my brain freaking out about this. gods response to me...he had me in mind! he knew what i would admire and he did something just for me. i am a part of his creation and received his great loving attention. and he continues to creat me.
oh just reading this romantice makes me happy. nature, waether, skys, haha im being a hippy. but god yes its exciting to see your passion for your works and you have a full comprehension of how you did it all. no amount of science could ever discover all of your ways. my hope is you. show me your ways

God Encounters

thank you god for this week and these times. you spoke to me a lot. about comfort and comforting. and thats cool. a like that. and you even gave me a chance to be that comforter and i dont know how i fared. thats just a hard situation. but i still would like that chance to visit. to make it more real and to have that hug to give. and also talking as a reminder to talk to you. and to be real. and that you have your ways just and in your time. silence doesnt mean anything. so god i pray that you continue to stir up in me and bless me with your words this week.

Gods Silence

sure ive felt like gods been "inaccessible" but that doesnt stand out to me here. nor am i shocked or irritated by gods silence. because while i can try to embrace all the fury, fear, and confusion job exhibits, it cant change the way my mind processes it. just like when im personally upset with god and he does nothing. im not shocked. my brain tells me im not the first person to go through that. my limited knowledge of history tells me how quite god can be. especially during tragedy. so quite that when his son bears sin he cant speal or grunt. all he does is shut his eyes so he doesnt see it. when perfection is rendered not there is no shame, there is no joy, god just sits quitely. so how could i expect that myself or job am more important that god will always speak his words when we need to hear them. gods silence is not bad. it is not good. it is god and i can accept that. i dont want to tell god how to be god. say what i want to hear. give what i want. take what i need. i will sometimes feel anguish and pain, but god will always be love.

Thirsting For Justice

i guess it touches me cause i dont want that to happen to katie. it actually makes me sad to think that happened. what is gods heart like for that situation, i dont know. he coudlnt be happy, i mean one of his beloveds baby was just taken. yet he still loves the snatcher. its so complicated. he wants everyone to be loved, no to have love. my heart doesnt really respond to that verse so much as it does the commentary. did god create humans to be autonomous? no. we are nothing without god. he created us to have a relationship with him and to live with and through him. yes god may be hidden sometimes but it is not so that we can live without him. he will bring justive to his peoples and his time is his and right. what is it to ask you for people to be treated with fairness, goodness, and kindness. if it could you would do it. and you do. i do not have understanding of your ways but you do not have to explain to me. i trust that you as god treat your people with love. and that is always fair, good, and kind. not always as i perceive but as you love. so then god my prayer is that you be god to everyone. treat us with your love.

Empty Comfort

of coarse i dotn want to receive someones comfort when its one of those christian cliches. because its not console. its not even common sense. its the i know know how to help you response. the im not gonna try. but yeah definitely silence and a hug. for someone to say yeah i dont know but i do care for you. i think thats better. and these guys arent even trying to comfort. they just say accept it. give up. you were wrong. and they didnt even notice in all the time they knew job the life he led. and yeah pretty sure everyone i interact with suffers one of those capacities. sometimes i find appropriate ways to comfort them. its just a matter of knowing them. and i dont know how to take care of everyone and thats ok. its not always my place. but i can always pray and tell them so. they know i care and will do what i can.

Talking Transparently With God

still i know that god lives. its a statement of praise and i want to keep it in mind. whether good or bad day i still know god (lives). i know that you live and i want to know that you live. what its like to talk to god throughout the days circumstances? i dont know. i shouldnt mock this. it is a basic lesson according to the book. and i agree. but yeah i like talking to god throughout my day. giving praise or asking for stuff or telling him im mad. just you know, living with go.

The Mystery Of A Mighty God

i can only throw myself on the judges mercy.
here i am. what can i say? you know me and you know my heart. all i can do is throw myself on your mercy. so here i am god. at your feet.
speak out the bitterness of my soul. not that i have any right now but good or bad, god wants to talk to me. and i need to express myself to him. happy or mad. i can only throw myself on the judges mercy.

Giving Comfort

when he corrects me? what was i doing wrong?!!! mp, this wasnt correction or discipline. but you heal. and youre right. he will deliver me. yeah i think it would be hard to hear cause he doesnt know gods purpose in this so when hes speaking like he does it just reminds me of the hurt. but then im listening and i hear his heart and then i hear what hes really saying and it is comforting.
oh man job...what do i say to him? im afraid. what if what i say hurts him more. so nervous what cane i say. i have no idea what that all feels like. i dont know how to help. god! thats it. this is the god we know and he loves job. and he is god to job. yeah. now im excited to speak to him.
i dont think telling the truth is enough. it may not even be necessary. a comforter is just helpful in that. comfort. saying what needs to be heard. being loving. caring. that is whats important about a comforter. their heart. i think job needed a kick from eliphaz. not a hug. not im sorry. but hey! you are still here and god is still god. and he will be your god. i think job needed to be directed to seeing god for what he is. love.
hope is in thier heart. hope that they will have a turn for the better. hope that they wil get through it. love and hope that they will be picked up from those dumps.
peace
job 5:27

God Encounters

god again just thank you for a great week and your awesome provision. you knew what i needed not too much and not too little. but you really blessed me so much. when i sought out understanding you gave it. you gave me perspective on your relationship with people during the old testament. and what our relationship means. and stirred up passion in me for you. you gave an example that i may trust in your timing and purposes. you showed me the benefits of keeping my focus on you instead of trivial matters. showed me purim and and how cool of an idea it seems. and that when your justice dealt, thats it. your anger cooled, discussion over. and starting into job...how else could i respond than how i did, honestly. but truly god if it isnt as i think then help me to be there. to have understanding and love in your taking and giving. and of coarse all the amazing stuff you showed me through preparing to teach. and thank you so much for using me. such a blessing its been and it was by your blessing only. and your living word still amazes me. that you would use the same words you spoke through me, use a diffrent vessal and speak something different for me to hear. thank you for that encouragement and call to obedience. as you have done may it be with me. and 9 weeks god. wow! im so amazed and blessed especially as youre whispering to me the hundreds of weeks still tom come. bring it on god. much love.

God Gives, God Takes

i wouldnt say god was bartering with satan with jobs like. he said hey, did you see my buddy job. i know him and his heart and he is a good man. what? you doubt he loves me, you may try to prove that. for me to say those words and really mean it all of my value would have to be in god. cause i can say that but only mean it so much right now. i do understand to a limit. but i think somewhere (probably not far) down the road of losing everything i would stop praising god. for the most part it aint no deal for me to lose something. comcis for example. sure i liked them. but i am not blessed to afford them and im ok with that. i would like to get them but hey its nothing. the lord gives, the lord takes. good took my comic money and gave me money to buy a car. if god took something from me without explanation i think i would be fine. ive been working on trusting god and hes blessed me through that. it wouldnt be all smiles but i think my progress would be: why did you take that? im sure you have a reason and a blessing so what is it? no...okay i trust you god. and then ide keep looking for what god is doing for me. yep i think i would be ok and trusting if god took something away from me.

Justice Served

an enemy. an adversary.
and that kings hot anger cooled. this is meaningful because i see it as gods justice served, the sacrifice made for me, and he is pleased to have me. he is calling me to leave my wine. not sure what that is yet.
days of joy and feasting. giving presents of food to each other and gifts to the poor.

Preoccupations

his preoccupations blinded him. through that we can see that he just wants to be important. he is concerned with only making a better name for himself. the past 24 hours i have been preoccupied with thoughts of a girl, wanting to sleep, and fears of inadequecy. what does that say about me? that ive had a hard day! its all circumstantial. but thats the point of this. that if my concerns were for god i wouldnt be in this boat. i would like to be preoccupied with serving god. i want that to be my focus righ tnow. (especially now!) "set your minds on things above" yes god let that be my concern. let that defend me against these attacks. help me to find me where you want me.

Just Such A Time

i think esthers fear is acceptable. and mordecais persistence too. she knows what she has to do but its a very bold thing to do. of coarse shed be afraid. and mordecai encourages her. we need to have people in our life like that. to say yes its hard but youve got to do it. and this is your purpose right now.

Zeal For Righteousness

god required them to live by rules that inconvenienced their lives. i think it was important because it was an effort to get them to live how god intended (the garden) because that was a good relationship and we wanted it back. but because of the sin, cast from the garden, the relationship with god was changed. it was like you could only have only have that relationship if you lived right, made yourself clean, and gave the appropriate sacrifices. their relationship with god was very inconvenient. on both parts. people could not have him unless they did things just right. and god could not have them because they chose to be something that he could not accept. its different with my relationship with god because of jesus. made me a new man. a new creation that can be with god even if i dont abide by all the rules. the sacrifice was made for a finite purpose.
i am trying to be more passionate for god. maybe i could pray with people.

Burden For The Poor

not sure if this is implying that the people that are supposed to be working for him cant because they are slaves to each other. dont really know whats going on. i dont see that poverty is now his burden. where did that even come from? yeah they bought them back. and they loaned out money. and big interest but its not connecting. injustice? sure...weve heard not to lend. and not to lend with interest. so how is this unjust? is it wrong that they are charging interest? really high or not? they could just not agree to the terms. but where would that leave them? it would leave their jewish brothers still in the slavery they sold themselves into. why did they do that? what drove them there? i dont know. but its like sleep in the bed you made. because these other people trying to "clean up" after you are making a bigger mess. though there is "injustice" theres still justice in it. on some level. we cant save ourselves or each other. but we can hope and pray.pray that god be god in our lives. god is a just god. god is a mercifull god. is that injustice? the injustice lies in us. me. to not stick up for. to not pray. to not try and help. god help me to see people how you see them. and to pray for those in need. of what? you. to be a watchman. and to encourage and love.
in context there is purpose and reason. this out of context and to make a point fails. and what does fasting have to do with it? i didnt because it was illogical and unneccesary at this pointt. but it doesnt rlate to the passage. they werent without food because in the efforts of self preservation they were selling whatever to get by. even borrowing under interest. so the fasting idea for this is pointless and doesnt relate.

God Encounters

god i just want to praise you for the awesome week ive had. it was busy and a blessing and just thank you. for friends to have fun with. friends to love. and friends to live with. and you to love me. and god you showed me your love through the devos this week. to have what you have given and to know all i have is form you. and its such a blessing to return your blessings god. and god to be dedicated. to purpose for you. god i want to specifically dedicate these times for you this week so please help and put that heart in me. and to better represent you with my life. we had such a great weekend to do that. it was so good to be serving like that again. and god i was just shocked at how cool it was. that we just had hearts to serve and thats what mattered. and serve we did. god we didnt really have a plan other than just to serve you. and you had us serve. that was so amazing. and then just getting to hang out was fun too god. playing games, being goofy and just being able to show that i care. and also just the random thoughts you spoke to me about old testament vs. new testament god. i mean it was off topic but thats what you wanted to talk to me about. how sin is still sin and so you gave a sacrifice for me so that we weould not be seperated. thank you for that. thank you.

What Can We Say For Ourselves

yeah. ive said god i never get it right. because sometimes i just fail and fail and fail. sometimes we just felt bad but mostly i say to god, "i suck im sorry, help me to be better." "openly standing here, guilty before you" god let me adopt this stance when i fail. to stand before you, open and vulnerable. yet full of the knowledge and embodiment of your mercifull love. you have punished me less than i deserve but also loved me more. you are a god of love. thanks for that love and let it live in me, my heart, and on my tongue.

Open Arms

i dont fear that god will snub me. i know that he wouldnt. i have refused grace before. ive told god i dont want that right now. leave me like this (hurt, dirty, ashamed) i dont really know why i did. i mean i felt like just staying how i was and just rolling in it instead of overcoming it. i thought it made sense but it really didnt. and of coarse since i live in new testament times ive always known gods hands were outstretched and welcoming me back. i sadly have taken advantage that but thats the battle. what i find strange about this passage is gods open arms. its the time of king hezekiah and god i swelcoming back those who turned from him. i mean yeahs its what i know to be solid about god but for these times its different. jesus made teh way for me to come back to god. in the o.t. there wasnt that way. and it was almost certain damnation. yet god replaced his anger with love. and that seems so big to me for the time.

FROG: Fully Rely On God

the idea that stuck out to me was "youve lost a victory" because its gods intentions for us and all we have to do is have faith. god will give us victory. walk in that faith. but when we dont we lose that victory. that i havent thought of before? pretty sure i frog my life. well i mean i try to. i cant think of what never occured to me to rely on god for. i just do. (try to)
"the lord is with you when you are with him. if you seek him he will be found by you"
"all who would not seek the lord were to be put to death"
"for the eyes of the lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully commited to him"

Dedication Ceremonies

im not getting anything from this so im going to argue it for a moment. i dont need to. and i dont specifically want to. but i will just because it will help me think about it. what precious aspect of my life do i need to solely set aside for god as a public reminder that all i have belongs to god? first the question doesnt make sense. remind the public that my stuff belongs to god? what things do i need to set aside for that? i just dont understand it. and then hwy would i make such a spectacle? were not supposed to pray for attention but thats what this seems like. i do agree that we need to be dedicated. and that we should dedicate time and things to god. so ami dedicated? to what? when am i? my life is dedicated to god. mostly around other believers. i havent been as good recently around non believers. i should be. i will try. that means living a god reflective life. im half dedicated to first service. i want to. i like it. i think god is doing something good there. its just hard. yes i do need to inconveniace myself. and there will be blessing. its just hard. im not so dedicated to this. i fail at dedicating time for this. i did enjoy greatly the times i explicitly set for devo. and i need to do that more rather than just taking this time.
"you did well to have this in your heart" such and honor to god to have that in our hearts for you. to have the spirit in my heart to bless your name. lord put in me.

Our Lives Are Mere Shadows

i guess my job. most times i do place a big value on it. og coarse my shadow is something im not even concerned with. i forgot i had one. but yes, i do hold onto my job as if we couldnt be seperated. most times i want to be. but i find my identity in my job. not specifically thats who i am but i am a worker. so i am very connected to it. and to understand that its just on loan from god is exciting. god gave me the job. he really did a lot for me to have it. but to think that ill have to return it is a little scare but im more excited to think hell give me another one. hopefully a better one. somewhere i enjoy going and like doing.
this was actually a cool prayer to talk with god. he gave me some understanding, outlook, and perspective. good to really think about my job situation. thank you for it god, and your plans.
a willing heart god. o how you rejoice in that. put in me the heart of devotion. to love you and all your glory. to joyfully praise you in whatever you ask. you have given me so much and i shall keep ot rightously. and then upon the time i will joyfully return it to you with praise and thanks. lord let this be. i admire this quality and want more of it. to truly give what you ask and also what i want to. yes let me want to give to you.

Shout From The Mountaintops

not that i enjoyed reading this passage dramatically. what stuck out was the name god. just thats who were talking about, god. god is worth praise. god has salvation. just to be talking about god so much. i would want them to know that god created them and loves them and wants to have them. the same goes for the families. for them to know gods love. where would i shout this scripture from? what one place? well first i might find a better passage. and then i would shout it everywhere. why would i think that any one place is more deserving or in need to hear that god is worthy of praise. however for me it woudl be cool to be praise god from that rock in tanzania again.
the lord reigns. amen. praise the lord.

God Encounters

so i did this in the care while i was driving home. just thinking. and without notes so i covered what i could remember. but i dont know. this supposed time for rest usually turns into a massive amount of work and i dont know if i like it. sometimes i really do like to just praise god for all he spoke to me but sometimes its just tedious and annoying and lengthy and i just want to relax. this marked the end of the 7th week and i still havent figured it all out. yeah ive taken the easy way out a few times but im aloud to. right? who made these rules? except i dont even really have rules for this it just kinda happened. so im going with the spirit and trying to keep that up. its been hard recently but i want it to be good again. its been awesome. its been annoying. its been blessing. its been encouraging. its been life changing. so i want to continue to seek god in this way. and it blows me away that for 50 days straight ive read the bible and thought about it and prayed. and its been reflected in my life. so god you are good and amazing and i thank you for all your blessings.

Linking Arms

linking arms with someone...in what context? greeting, partnering in battle, escorting, dancing, red rover. i dont think its really awkward. unless you dont know them. but joiing together should be an easy and comfortable thing to do. and it has strength. it is a bond not easily broken. chains in the armor of god. let us link together.
exploits. what a good term. their exploits were crazy trips into ememy territory for a drink of water. or to kill some one 7.5 feet tall woth their own weapon. exploits. adventure/mischief.

God's White-Hot Anger

"in response" there it is again. in response to gods word he was dismayed. he saw gods word and realized they had failed. responding to god. what is my response to your word god? you are thoroughly angry. and i am thoroughly ashamed. god may your anger not burn over me. forgive me god and may your grace spread over me. and may i respond in like fashion. and thank you jesus for reconciling me to you.
what is the second district?

Investing In People

what is there to admire? or even dislike. his part of this tale is making a covenant and running security. it is good that he stood for what is right. and encouraged the others to do the same. to resemble jehoiada as a teacher and a leader...im not given any insight to how he was a teacher or leader. the only evidence is his student did what pleased god for as long as he lived. he does have influence on that but ultimately it was joash responding to god. too many times we see people fail and turn from god when so many people were trying to teach and lead them. its not a reflection on the teacher/leader. but i guess jehoiada did train a good king so he must have been pretty good. so i mean who wouldnt want to be "responsable" for raising up a good believer. i would like to have a powerfull impact on those i teach/lead.
god i bring before you my subjects and those that will be. and i ask that we all be blessed by you. bring to me who you would have and let me be that example for those onlookers. lord bring us into you and give us words and ears to teach and learn your great commands.

False Hopes?

yeah she had wanted a son but accepted that she would not have one. so when shes told she will it shakes her so much. and then he dies and such tragedy she feels! she was blessed for her faith and then this. elijahs response is great. he doesnt think he is lost. his heart goes out for her and has the faith that she will have her son again. and he makes sure of that. he does so much. i think god was purposing this just to bless again. watching her struggle had to be hard. because she should know that god wouldnt remove his blessing for just no reason. and there should have been faith that he would be ok. but we are human and thats how god made us to respond in that situation. but she knows that there is hope. she goes for the holy man. she wants god to intervene. she still has hope. and god would be delighted with that.
i hold back my desire for healing because im afraid to go through it all. to suffer the rebreaks so that everything can be healed right and set properly. and i do want to trust more in gods healing and goodness. im working on having more and real hope. i do trust, just not actively. and i would be blessed if i did. i would be over it. i would be better. i pray with the faith which i need to continue. but i need t live it better. as if there were absolutely no negatives assosciated with it. god help me. amen.

Because Of His Presance

hes just pissed! like seriously so upset and angry with him. i mean yeah gods anger is right and i agree ahab was purposing the whole nation to sin. not just himself but telling everyone to follow his bad example. he does need to be destroyed. i picture myself commanding over ahab as hes cowering on teh ground and gods spirit above me directing this scene. this change of mind makes me feel...i dont know. happy/relieved/excited/strange/let down. i just like this because god you have recently spoken to me about the purpose in like. responding to you. and thats where we come. in response to you. we either repent, or we dont. and you want us to repent. so its awesome to see your mercy here. hoever i dont like the word that his son will be punished. i knoe like "inherited sin" now times are different but i just dont like that that happened. but this was before jesus came to take sin upon himself so yeah in those times the sin ahd to fall somewhere. i get it. i just dont like it.
"the lord is full of compassion and mercy; o come, let us adore him." amen!

When Trusting God Is A Handfull

i think the emphasis that she was a widow communicates how hard her life was presantly. no man to provide for the family. she had to take care of everything. and then elijah comes along and asks that she would take care of him too. even when she has nothing. i mean this just speaks to me that i dont have it that bad. its not too much to give and its not a valid excuse when it comes to obeying god. i think he may have been a little reluctant to ask for help (and i am more!) but his obediance to god is what im trying for. the widow...i feel like i have so little. barely enough for myself. and i still resist. saying you really want that? i dont have any really. and if i use this last but im done. it is very difficult for me to give uo my last handfull. which i stupid. im just holding onto it going nowhere. if i would use it then i would have space to get more. andi would be doing something other than standing here. i think she felt sad that it was another dayto take care of elijah, JUST KIDDING! i bet everyday her hand found food she was singing praises the whole time. just so excited and amazed at gods miraculous provision. god what is my flour jar? what needs to be filled up. my bank account. i want to do so much with it but im hesitant cause theres not even enough to take care of myself. and god im trusting and faithing and loving you through this time. and god i do praise you for filling that jar. yes god thank you for teh extra hours at work. you are so good to answer those prayers. thank you. and forgive me for complaining about it. but now i see your hand and provision and am just blessed god. thank you.
wow. so the widow wasnt too sure that elijah was a "man of god" until her son was raised. the flour and oil that did not end wasnt enough proof? i am like that though. see gods hand still kinda doubt. i dont want that. i just want to have faith and not doubt. putting his head between his knees. i bet he was exhausted and just humbled by god. just to sit in his glory.

God Encounters

god while this may just be lazyness i think i really need it so im going to take it. for this time i have spent time reflecting about how weve met this week and i want to keep it like that. just thinking and not recording. but just thank you for speaking to me this weak and blessing me. its been a good rebounf. so continue to direct my thoughts about encounters and continue to speak and encourage me. thank you god, amen.

Idol Factories

anything that takes my eyes off god...everything that takes my eyes off god. sure i get distracted, sometimes a little too easily, but maybe i need to be distracted sometimes. to be constantly focused on god isnt really our purpose. but it is. if god is our only focus or primary focus that would be good. wouldnt it? if i didnt have things that "distracted me" my life would not be in the best shape. work would lack, recreation would lack, and social parts of life would lack. as these are al things god wants and encourages us to have in our lives. but they are distractions. they turn my attention away from god. that is bad. but there is a balance. a proper way to live life and walk purposefully. god is worshipped through our lives if we are living right. so distractions are only those blatant sins. when i pirposefully walk away from god. when i purpose to serve something else. i am responsable. i am what eclipses my worship to god. when i choose to live to serve myself first. and i know when these times are. hopefully they are as few as i like to think they are. i do fight against them, but why? i need to find victory so that god will be worshipped by that part of my life, not so i would have freedom.
lord god, god of earth. god of me. i want my life to worship you. i want to worship you. let me not erect idols to worship because im too lazy to do it right. these idols that do stand help me to destroy them. the idol of irresponsability with games. when i choose to continue with the attitude of i dont want to stop and i can do that other stuff later. the idol of my bank account and being too concerned with its well being. god help my to worship you and you only.