God Encounters

god it is weeks like this (weeks i teach) that these devotional encounters are eclipsed by the studying and speaking encounters. and what a blessing it is that you give me people to minister to and words to speak. your words god. thank you for your word. and the word became flesh. say thank ya. the temple, god, me, i am a temple. purposed that i may seek you and reach out for you. for your holy spirit to inhabit my body that is a temple to your name. how blessed am i that you would live in me forever.
pleasure...god it was a pleasure to spend time with you. to be in your word. to ask what you would speak, "for this purpose you are here..." to make known your plan for the temple. god that has been the pleasure. pursueing hannah...well has not been pleasurable. it has down right sucked. and i try to not think about her...and i fail! o say im sick of it! im done. but why does my head and heart still drift that way? it makes me feek pain, heartache, it makes me annoyed, it frustrates my focus. and i dont like it. i dont want to feel it anymore. i would rather be in my previous state of no relational desires. guide me in your faith. comfort my heart. be my desire!
whats the point? am i chasing her that my flesh would be fed and not my soul? its split. evenly? i dont know. god you created this sort of relationship that completes a man. 2 souls that become 1. a helper. a bride/bridegroom. whats the point! did you promise a spouse for all? is jesus it? not even completely out of selfish desire i say no. you created man and woman. a set they fit together. make whole. but you complete us too lord. so whats the point?!
this pain, it scrapes my heart. not in a healing way, leastbnot that i know of. it just hurts, that what i think i want seems unatainable and dangling in front of me on a string so that its pulled away as i reach. and i cannot find this place, feast or funeral to learn about her. this is what its coming down to. im trying to hand it over to you. my desire. my heart. my faith. i know you are good to me. im trying to let go. just take it already! rip it out of my hands, my head, my heart. your will god. your path. your plan. set me upon it that i may travel it. im tired of hurting. i dont want to walk the path of pain any longer. give me rest in the valleys of your kingdom. cause me to lay down near your streams. lift me up on your wings that i may know your glory and sing its praises.
but whatever you bring into my path, whatever i do god, may i praise your name. help me to lead a life worthy of bearing your name. may you be pleased in your servants life.
god you are the third strand to strengthen the bond between us. whoever us may be. and its not a bad thing that u may be just wrapped up in you. but god i cant do it alone and you have created me for relationship with others. may i seek those out and encourage and strengthen the bonds you connect me to.
so thank you god for meeting with me. for speaking to me and through me. and for hearing me. you dont have to listen. you are god. and i know not. so may i be your chosen and you my god. i take comfort in that god. you will live among me forever. so why should i worry. i got all i need in you. say thank ya.