Slow Down And Inquire

i didnt inquire of god when charlie invited me to help out. it just felt right so i thought it was ok. i didnt have to ask god becuase he soon revealed to me my mistake. to take on 1 more night didnt seem big but with my triumph calling evolving it was certainly a lot to handle. this wasnt a bad thing but it would have turned out to be bad for me. draining. doing to much. god is there anything else i might need to back down from?

Courageous When It Counts

these words are hard and easy. sometimes i do boldly walk, sometimes i sit in fear. its easy to know these words to be true but as a generality its easier to hear negative instead of positive. because god does constantly speak to us encouragingly we dont hear it to well. whereas the negative constantly spoken by the devil is unmistakable. so how do we hear gods voice louder than the devils. surely when things are good in our walk we hear him but not as much when we arent at our best. we need to tune our ears to gods frequency. not a hard task. or is it. god is constantly working for good. sometimes its hard to see but if we believe that and live accordingly it wouldnt be a problem to hear gods encouragment through all the mess.
im scared when i think about my future and what that will look lik. why? because it looks like its so far away and i dont even see anything. nothing but possabilities. and this makes me fearfull cause its unknown to me. and all i know is it can be whatever if i go for it. but whatever it is it requires time to get there. and im scared to start taking that time to grow into...what? i dont know. its hard to take what i see as such a huge blind leap. so what can i do about it? have faith and communion with god. to at lerast look into these possabilities and somewhere after that wilk into one. i guess i can just make something happen, otherwise nothing will and i willl still be here. stuck. afraid. clueless.
so god thats it. im afraid to build my future. to take bigger risks and compromise my living comforts. i know its just for a season. but im afraid to do the extra work. i guess it would just shift all of life around and you would give me new comfort. and i would be a different person so my joys would be different and accesible. thank you for hearing me and knowing what you have for me. help me to be courageous to look and attain it.
only be strong and courageous.
give these words strength and power in me.

Leaving A Legacy

god takes disobedience so seriously because the act is rejecting him. not walking in his path. going your way instead of waht god wants for you. choosing whatever else over gods goodness. he wants to bless us and to deny him that is serious. heartbreak and hardship were consequences for disobedience. and so has guilt and shame. yes i can trust the promises of god because i will end up seeing them. god keeps his promises. he may just withhold them for a time but he is faithful to hi word. and hte promises may be conditional. if you dont fail i promise to... so if i do fail its not a broken promise. if i do live obediantly god will not withhol any blessing for his servent.
god may you help me to live an obedient and faithful life. one that at all times honors you. help me to walk in the spirit and to invite jesus to be my fruit. in times of hardship and struggle to hold to you and the faith. lord give me your heart and attitude. of joy and understanding. love and faith. blessing and encouraging. most of all let me not be neglegent. amen

You Were Once Slaves

people in need. helping people in need. he doesnt overlook anyone. he gives instructions to take care of everyone. for the field owner, the workers, and those who may come into the field. and that his instructions are so that everyone will be taken care of.
having listened to amber when she was upset i felt angry that someone would treat her that way. her need was comfort and i wanted to help her with that. i tried to to tell her how lame it was. that i had to deal with hard customers too. that it would be ok cause we knew what was right, and i offered to help her if she needed it.
gods response is that he will make sure everyone is taken care of. the hurt party. the one trying to help. and the one that stirred it all up. regardless of what the first 2 feel or think about the latter they will be provided for. so it would be wrong to want justice and punishment for that person instead of provision.
each is to die for his own sin. father not his childrens and children not for their fathers. so we may be punished for ancestral sin (?) but will only be put to death for our own. i guess i can trust this since i dont have solid evidence to argue this. or question it rather. and i dont need to argue it. kinda just feels like im making up vague memories so i can be argumentative. and i dont need to do that. but still it was a cool verse (deut 24:16)

Live In His Presence

the most memorable is live in his presence. love. that he fell in love. with us. me. thats the quality that is standing out because its amazing. like i love things. but how much have i fallen in love with? only the most amazing have ifallen in love with. its an elite thing and the fact that god fell in love with me shows that tremendous amount of love for me. his command to live in his presence stands out because, well thats been my hot topic recently. to live in his presence. walk in the spirit. and its just an awesome thing to have you continue to speak it to me god. god you know my thoughts about living in your presence and how i long to. not for the blessings. not to look good. but so that i will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. so that i may continue to live as the new man. and thats what lving in your presence means. to walk in what you guide. to be who you have made. this is definitely important. as far as my hardheadedness and willingness to do it...gosh i dont intentionally do it but i dont back down. i just argue a lot of stuff/ all the "contorversy" that i like to be engaged in. and for what. to see it. to know the sides and have better understanding. to make wise choices. maybe i need to be more selective in what i "explore" and just let some things be. not everyone has to agree with every worship song. what are my feelings toward the "have nots?" sometimes i just dont care. its their fault. they could do more. sometimes my heart breaks for them. ive wanted to share with them before. not always but i have. how can i do that? how can i share with them? how do i even get them in my life? i guess thats where this "experiment of living in gods presence" will find results. may i walk in the spirit, in the path, and just be.

Listen!

i guess i dont take gods word so seriously that im tying it onto my body. sure sometimes i joke about the word and intentionally misinterpreting it, but i do take it seriously. to regard it as the truth and obey its command. im not good at this by the way. i take it for granted. jesus died for my sins so all the old testiment and its commands are no longer necessary. i know thats not true but i guess i act like that. and i take it serious that in the old days people were stoned and sacrifices were made but it wouldnt fly in this time. god is my ruler and concren but his word also said to obey those in positon over me. the laws that are just and right i am to obey and living and acting in some ways that your word says would violate such regulations. but when it comes to gods laws and commands they are of the higher authority so they are the set i will be judged by. i guess its just finding god and obeying what he calls me to. and that is to take his word serious.
"god, our god! god the one and only! love god, your god with your whole heart: love him with all thats in you, love him with all youve got!" god, my god! god the one and only! i will love god, my god with my whole heart: i will love him with all thats in me, with all that ive got! as often as i remember, god.
i think these words may be taken to seriously to actually have these words written and tied over our bodies. that would be quite the spectactle that were not really supposed to make. but to have these words constantly within us and over our heads, hearts, and homes. that we would consistantly speak of your love and how you rescued us from egypt (personel), seen great and miraculous signs, fulfilled your promise to bring us into our promised land, and to keep your decrees. god that would be seriously obeying your work to have constant testimony. god, my god! god the one and only! i will love god, my god with my whole heart: i will love him with all thats in me, with all that ive got!

God Encounters

first and foremost on this day of rest and remembrance god i thank you for answered prayers. you dont cease and im amazed. like last night you answered my question. you are the high priest and will never fail, so i as an accused in the asylum city shall remain under your protection forever. thats pretty awesome. i didnt understand your word, asked about it, and you explained it to me. thank you for hearing my prayers. what else from this week god.
you spoke of sacrifice. what it was and means. and my sacrifice. that was a cool one just to sit and be in understanding with you.
letting go of sin. that was a strange one. but i still havent sent it off. i see it sitting on my floor. but the activity to understand the scapegoat and you taking my sin on yourself. and i liked the wisom you gave me about not picking the sin up again. ive got rid of it and i dont want it back. so help me to be strong and resist temptations.
you also revealed to me the truth and your holy name. again its cool just to come to this "controversy" and have understanding with you. and thats where it started. not just reading the passage. or the expanded passage. but reading your word beyond the call of the devo. thats what i want to happen. to still spend time in your word in additon to all of this. and its a start. youve taught me before that ill take on the traits of what im exposed to. staying in your spirit and word is rubbing off. and i like it. more god, more.
and i wont forget that you made a way for us to partake in you. even if we are unclean you made it possible. thank you god. and thank you for being with me at work. i saw how your plan happened and i want to remember you in times of hardship and dismay and forgetfulness.
and to wholeheartedly being the difference you are making me to be. to let your spirit be enough and to boldy walk in it. god you have been sending me encouragement. thank you. i do need it because sometimes its hard. to be different from what my friends know me to be and to rather spend certain times with you. its been great. and to walk in the next steps for me. small group. getting it going. talking to the guys and making it happen. today i took one of those steps and it was good. yet it wasnt enough. it may not be a different story. but a new story. and it needs to be. you put it on my heart and called me to it. and thats what i say it needs to happen. and i want it to. so i thank you for equipping and preparing me for this god. lets do it. thank you for a second great week of this god. thank you for today and working in triumph. i enjoy what you are doing in there. thank you for the friends. and the family. and toilett paper. that was a provision from you. thanks my love. oh and thanks for rebekah. that really helped me tonight, cause i dont want to be bitter. thank you for loving me. amen.

God Of The Asylum-City

just. loving. forgiving. trusting.
these describe you god. especially in relation to the asylum cities. you wanted there to be a safe place for the accused. to find shelter, rest, and acceptance. because god we are accused (sometimes even guilty) yet you accept us in to protect us from avengers.
guilt? no. shame, some. ive definitely not responded properly to some stuff. and thats ok. it happens. i feel bad, know how i was wrong, and hopefully figure out how to prevent it. oh and repair. definitely need to make repairs and not let small cracks spread. on my heart...troubling me? slightly how i acted towards laura on thursday. i know ive gotten over it but i havent apologized. i can assume shes fine based on the past couple of days but those cracks can be hard to notice and i want to make sure its fixed.
god you know what ive been thinking because youve been leading me in it. the thoughts to apologize and looking to be better are your influeance. and since you know anyway and weve talked too, im not uncomfortable sharing with you. its so easy to share my thoughts and feelings with you. the harder part is that its also being shared with whoever. but thats not even uncomfortable. i want to be real, especially with people who can encourage me in it and can be encourage too. and god thats why im comfortable sharing my thoughts and actions with you.
a god of justice AND refuge. almost contradictory. for i know you are a just and jealous/vengeful god. that you will bring about the according consequances...unless i take refuge in you. you give me the choice. life or death. while i choose life i still act according to death. but were working through that. i faith that we will attain vicotry over sin together.
seems like a strnge system to me. but its your word and the israelites followed it. unless i just misunderstood it. but it sounded like if the accused was found innocent he stays in the asylum until the high priest dies and then is free. if he leaves prior the avenger may kill him and thats ok. why is that? was that i mean. or did i just not get it? all i have to gain is understanding and knowledge of you god. something you alot in your accordance.

A Different Story

"honor your words" "as you asked" god makes promises and agreements to men and he keeps them. caleb had a different spirit (then the rest of the israelites) follows god wholeheartedly. gods sovereignty impresses me. that he holds all together, knows its workings, and orchestrates so much. and for the good and glory of his name. constantly showing me your countrol keeps me passionated for you. caleb followed god wholeheartedly. entirely. whats so impressive about that? gods words says he followed him wholeheartedly. completely. passionately. solely. no holding back. god was it for caleb. and to have god recognize that and tell us. thats amazing. god has always been willing to forgive anyone. he wasnt doubting the israelites ability to be used. becuase he was using them. in the wilderness and through all their failures.
i find myself in this passage, as a different spirit. from what i was and who you are making me. how would you call me to live this different story. youve called me into this ministry and to do it different. from the communion to the ways we speak your word. to take those risks and fears of failure, looking lame, not reaching anyone, not having good teachings, not being accepted for how i do, and to walk in your spirit with the faith that YOU WILL BE GLORIFIED. my different story is a different walk in the ministry. not bad, not better, but different. ministry yes, but different. god i do have the faith and trust in youto take the next steps. i am still practicing this everyday. to hear you. yo respond to you. and to aboey you. buying the devotionals. blessing friends. daily encountering you here. getting rid of the game. sharing these with people and you. god i do feel excluded because of my difference. my youth. my attitdue. my way of walking with you. it doesnt matter. im included in your heart, your plans, your salvation, your work, and that is enough for me!

Don't Forget

i forget who god is and what he does for me when...things dont happen as i think they should. i get hurt that i dont get my way and focus on negatives instead of trying to see god in it. for i would know he is doing it purposefully for me. and i can look back and see it now. but in those times i didnt consider god at all. not trusting in his sovreignty. just the other day god i saw you at work with that desk. while i was upset aboutwhere someone had put it (the worng place and under several heavy boxes) you had mike there to help me move everything around cause later when i needed that desk there was no one around to help me. but i didnt need the help cause you had arranged it so the box was already set aside. i was and still am grateful for that god. and god when you were at work displacing me with school and family that was like the best thing youve ever done for me. putting me in a new and hard place to be where i had nothing and no one but you. you put me where i needed to be with those appointed people to build me up to make me who i am now. thank you couldnt say enough. god the lamb. i choose the lamb. almost jokingly i began reffering to it was the lamb as a "symbol" but lord thats what i choose it to be now. not an idol but a reminder of jesus the lamb that was slain for my sin. a symbol of your faithfulness to me that you will conintue to be that for me. and areminder of your blessings.
a number of people were unclean because of A dead body. you sly boots. it seemed bad to the israelites that they could not celebrate the passover. but you were at work to make a way that they still could celebrate. at the lords command they set out. and at the lords command they encamped. let it be so.