Week Off

so heres what happened, 106 straight days of purposed and led devotions. and then it was almost time for camp. i didnt know how i was going to do this and well i dont take time to think and prepare. teusday it thought that i would be able to do this before i slept under the moon. i had time during the day but put it off. and then night time came and so did the rains. i was really stressed and grumpy and without light. so i didnt do the devo. wednesday i thought hmm maybe i will later and maybe ill just not. well i didnt. i was busy but thats not different from normal life. and then camp actually started. i dont think i would have been able to do devos if i tried. so tired so busy. coming out of camp i was so tired and so broken. i barely made it to church sunday night which i only wanted to so i could just be in gods presence and it was so awesome. he gave me rest and helaing with family stuff. i would not have been able to do devotion though. prety much cried all service and held myself together at in n out because i hadnt really eaten all day. cried the way home and somehow made ithome before i fell asleep. but it was such an amazing night that i was just full of peace and love. monday i made it to chico still kinda messy but i god was good to me. i pulled out my stuff to do devotions and then i thought to myself if i wait 1 more day it will be a aweek off and ill pick up and be on the same schedule i was on before. so i prayed and told god thats what i was going to do. so after 106 conitinuos days i pretty much stopped. and felt attacked non stop. whether it was good or bad i dont care. but the devil was speaking lies to me that i failed and shouldnt start again and blah blah. and the truth is i never made any commitment to this. i said it will be what it will be. and it turned into something awesome. total blessing. i dont think now that i failed because god spoke to me so much at camp and in those days and i sought and relied on him so much. so it was different but i think it was just what i needed. so i resumed the solo devotions and it was so refreshing that first time. and then...ive been up and down since. habit, obligation, really wanting to. im at 8 days now and i dont know why i keep track. it was such a big deal for me before but its not a way to measure spirituality or realtionship with god. i pray everyday and live with my savior. so by doing daily devotions i am encouraged and blessed but its not the basis of my faith. i think devotions are important and amazing. but i need to stop thinking in terms of accomplishment and pride. god i am here to seek you. let that be my purpose