i have pursued my materialistic desires with hope they would being pleasure. i have pursued the pleasures of a girl (not well) i have pursued god (again not so well this week). i was attempting to get entertainment and status. wanting to fulfill my desire for companionship. wanting to see and hear god speak into my life. to enrich and encourage. to be educated. pleasure whispers in my ear that i will be happy, it will feel god.
god are these worth pursuing? that i seek after a relationship because...well..thats what my heart is wanting. like a craving my heart likes the way a relationship feels and it ttugs me in that direction. that she is beautiful and i want me eyes to behold her. that she is mysterious and my brain wants to get to know her. that something inside me said we could be something together minstrywise. i am not seeking sexual satisfaction. in fact i know i would not recieve it and that makes me glad. i want to know her. i want to spend time together. so god the pleasures i pursue on a regular basis... relationship is not one. so was it bad? maybe. youre the judge. but i do know that i allowed myself to be ruled by it for a night. i dwelt and i shouldnt have. and for it i "suffered" that night. but god i when i seek after you and allow myslef to be led in your ways that is the one true and great pleasure. my usual pursuit ok good tiems and entertainment is that "worth it", fullfilling? not really. its not the point. you are. im not fighting for my point but we know that SOMETIMES you are exalted through these pursuits. they can be good. but its you first that makes it that way. so may i pursue the pleasure that is knowing you and dwelling in your presence.
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