God Encounters

so here again i failed to be reflective in the writing sense. i do try and think about the encounters sometimes when im going to sleep instead of doing devo. but yeah its not the same. so this was last night where i just wanted to sleep. so i did. but...well whatever. god was good this week. as is evident life is crazy with work. for a couple of days we thought i was gonna give up my job at the od to take over my dads pilot shift so he could work elsewahere and i was ready to do it! well maybe i wasnt. i wanted to though and was totally scared. so after that letter i wrote iwas out working for my dad and spent an hour just praying and asking god what to do and what he syas and just yeah. i sat in silence just listening for god. then i worshipped. and nothing. no answer. untill today when i realized that was gods answer. i was freeking out and stressing over my job when i didnt need to because god knew i wasnt going to take over my dads shift. so praise to god. but its really got me thinking, what am i going to do. i need to put forth more initiative in seeking work and possible moving. and i need to trust in god more (which is hard for me) instead of demanding certainty. so that was really cool. god blessed me with this opportunity to get a few hours at a time for my dad. to make a little money to help get my car in better shape and to have the money that will help me to move if thats what happens. and my dad is totally blessed too! he has been so appreciative of me and his little bit of time off. rest for the weary, thank you god. and then church last night......i dunno. its so hard for me to focus cause its like the 3rd time im hearing the words. myself speaking or john, or whoever else happens to be speaking in the youth. so i come to @7 wanting to hear god and then i hear the same word. and i kinda feel like a know it all. but i hold out hoping that god will speak something else and i just dont know. but i do enjoy so much just sitting and being there in gods presence. but it was such a struggle last night. sitting next to...i just at times couldnt concentrate because my everything was just so excited. my heart was glad, my legs were jumping, my heart was thumping, my nouth was smiling, my eyes were delighting, just yeah everything. i was barely able to keep myself contained. i was gonna just explode out of happiness. and then were singing god be my only desire and let my heart be torn in two untill your will is my way. or wahtever and it was so hard. i want god! i wanted god! i wanted to just be screaming for him. and then theres hannah, my mind drifts, my focus wanes and...just it was hard. but anyway its jsut been a whirlwind and im trying to anchor to god. or be blown in teh direction he wants for me. so i went to bed tired, lovestruck, and dissapointed in myself. but god is just reminding me as ive been updating for what seems like forever that he just wants to talk. like let him have it. and give him the chance to respond. be ready to hear. and delight in my lord who loves me. so yeah thats that i guesss. not quite the devotional post but its good for me

Consequences That Burn

god did not give hananiah a message. i think god dealt justly with him. he was misleading gods people and he knew it. he spoke for god when god did not give him words to speak. so god said instead of you lulling my people into doom i will destroy you and save at least some of my people. reading this just reminds me that god is jealous. that we are not to profane or degrade or make plain his name.

Telling God What We Really Think

its pretty easy to tell god exactly what im thinking. he knows anyway so why would it be hard to just say it? we were created to communicate to communicate so whyt not? good or bad god wants to have a healthy communicating relationship. it may be hard for god to hear. i mean if i misinterperated stuff and am angry with god he may not like that but he will hear my complaint. or if i just tell him how hard it is on me right now and its whiny, so what. its a natural response. its crying out. to god!
dear god,
i dont know what to think about how your operationg. i know you work for the good, but theres a lot of bad going on. i also know it takes brokeness to be eligible for your repairs and work. i see you working in my friends lives opening doors for them. leading them in trials and you just showed me at camp your "plan" for me. not that im mocking but its so vague and somewhat discouraging. you are calling me to hang and follow you but i almost dont want to rely on you as much as it looks like i might have to. and then theres these opportunites that are scary. i want to jump for them. i want to run from them. i want absolute certainty! i dont like being in this half in situation. its potentially what i want and its definitely a big thing. but im no where near certain what to do. do i quit? do i not pilot at all? am i chasing money? am i looking for a way out? am i supposed to saty in? i dont know! tell me please oh god. leaps of faith are not my specialty. i dont even know if im supposed to leap. speak to me. speak up. why am i in control? take control god. give me authority. be my vision. my provider. my rest. so ill wait for your response. maybe ill move before i get it. maybe ill wait. help me be bold. give me strength.
amen,
dusty

Rotten As Old Shorts

i feel...none of what is asked as valid. i see the shorts and want nothing to do with them. i want to bury them and never go back to them. it can rot away from me instead of making me rotten. god the fathers rebukes are hard to receive. i know hes not against me and i know it is for good. im glad to be corrected. i feel shame and hurt. and i should because thats how to learn im being hurtfull by my choices.
i feel like the father is telling me to put on linen shorts. to clothe myself in righteousness.

A Time To Grieve

things (?) and i agree in grievances are the failures of this world. especially my own. when people turn away and walk in wrong ways my heart breaks. how much more does gods. feeling heart sick expresses that grief. and feeling distant from god. it had to be hard for god during these times. the prophetic and grief. turning away, death, destruction, lack of hope. and god brought them to that place to bring them out. thats hard to relate but knowing his heart for good and our flesh for bad how did god ever continue loving.
galations 5:1

Gods Knowledge Of Us

i CAN believe that god had plans for my life before i was conceived. i can because if he could for jeremiah why not for me? i mean jesus was sent for all. im part of that group and that was long before i was born. im sorta indifferent knowing god knows me intimately right now. its cool but not too impressive anymore. its become basic understanding for me. plus right now i dont really know whats going on in life so im annoyed but anxious. god desires that we pray to him because while he knows everything about us we dont know enough about him. its so we can communicate. have that personall relationship. have it be both ways.

Anticipating The Workings Of God

i have hope god, it is you. my hope is that everlasting life. its you. i have it. joys a bit trickier. i have some and i have it, but do i really? many things bring me joy, god you included. but some joy that i do want is a family. and i trust you will provide. but god may i value the joy of my lord more. peace...i dont have peace that often. but you are that perfect peace. and i want that. and you promise that it can be had. so god give me that perfect peace. it is amazing and i want it more. and it is you. so i guess that means i want you.

God Encounters

god here at camp i just praise you for your work and what a blessing it is to be a part of these students encounters with you. jake choosing you. ty, and holly choosing you. carson, alex and colten wanting to grow closer to you. katie and aubrey wanting more of you and and to be strengthened and encouraged. kelynn just want you to save him from hopelessness.

Jesus Comes to You

i would ask for my new name to dude. just cause im ok with that and everyone calls me that anyway. but just for me i think it would be funny if my name was bitchin. (this is after the fact but it said god will give a new name so its not like it mattered anyway what i want it to be)
god im very happy to know that you delight in me. and that you are happy with me. it just brings a smile to me soul. its enough to make me just want to proclaim it. and yes god it is true that i didnt get a good review, but you , you delight in me! your review reads, "i am delighted and happy with dusty!" thank you for that god

Rescue And Release

i admire gods spirit. that he would deliver me and release me to his work. because god has annointed me! to preach good news. thats the work god is calling to me to do alongside him. the rest is just details. but he has called me to preach good news. to have joy in god that blooms to put praise on display. that in my joy the beauty of god is seen.

Our Wrongdoing

this was interesting to come to this time with repentant heart of all the crazy feelings with family. just saying god i should act like this and then reading this passage that so clearly illustrates how we live life in sin and waht that looks like. so god i pray that i continue to meet with you and purpose to bring my sin before you. and to humbly recieve your love and encouragement to go and sin no more.
isaiah 59:16 he saw there was no one. he was appalled that there was no on to intervene so his own arm worked salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him.

My Love Won't Walk Away

my reaction was shock that god would turn his back, even for just a moment. but he came back! said i will love you anyway. i will do all that i can to save our relationship. thats really cool to hear and see gods love like that. a commitement that wont fall apart..i feel hope and joy. joy that we have the commitment together and hope of that everlasting love. and that you wont walk away. you wont leave me. you wont stop loving me. and you wont forget the commitment we have made to each other.
isaiah 54:10 that verse is just summing it up and it excites me to read and think on. gods unfailing love for me will not be shaken. nor his peace be removed.

The Suffereing Servant

its just yeah our sins are responsible for hurting the land. how i live affects my environment, just like my environment affects how i live.
hell be glad he did it.
jesus will "make many righteous ones" by giving his spirit and new life to those who accept what he did as a personal ransom

The (Un)Forgetful God Of Heaven

how can you be intentionally forgotten? no one means to forget anything. but yes ive been forgotten before. a couple weeks ago when chad forgot i was speaking i felt kinda undervalued. i dont know how many times i told him i was doing it and he just forgot. i didnt feel that bad but he made up for it. i think when friends dont think to invite me (forget) i may be a little upset but for the most part i dont let being forgotten get to me. theres no point. it was an accident. they did not intend to forget me. the times i want to be remembered...i dont know. im a pretty memorable person and recently ive been trying to credit god for surely i couldnt do anything without him. but i would have to say i want students to remember the times god speaks through me for them. not that i shine, but gods word is what i want to be remembered. i knowgod wont forget me, and i dunno i guesss im just nott hat impressed by that. maybe because thats very basic and ive understood it for so long. not to belittle that, it is amazing that god will never forget me.
isaiah 48:11 i love god!

God Encounters

ummm this was like a few weeks ago and i was gonna write about why i didnt do it this day. i cant remember why now. i mean generally lifes been kinda weird but im trying to remember why it was on july 12th. lets see. work has sucked real bad recently and its like killing my soul when im there and it just negatively affects me when im there so i know that spun my attitude in a bad way. i think it was 3 straight weeks of leading first service (then i had camp off and right back onto the night before notice this week so thats really like 4 straight weeks and im up again this week) so im guessing that was a long sunday and the night services have been kinda weird for me. and then we hang out and i try to get home early enough to at least sleep a little cause mondays ive been working early. maybe i just wanted to sleep instead of devo? and then stuff with my mom (healing) and the funeral that may have been that week i dont remember. that all threw me for a loop though. and then the crush thing has eaten at my attention too. so i dunno exactly why i didnt devo. i probably felt justified but i know i wasnt. ive been trying to do 2 a days to get caugh tup cause camp flipped me too. i think ive just felt so exhausted and i made a bad choice to skip devos on these reflective nights. so i dunno lifes life and i fail sometimes. thats that