i most certainly am not repelled by god. why would i be. he is telling the israelites to honor him as they should. to not desecrate the sacrifice with their uncleanliness. this passage however doesnt particularly draw me closer to god. it just makes sense. he says if you approach him in a state of uncleanliness you will be cut off from his presance. this makes sense. it is god. however this sint how we approach god nowadays. i have recieved my slavation. jesus blood has been poured over me. i can approach god because of that. he doesnt see my uncleanliness (sin) he sees jesus blood. the atonement. god what does this show me about myself? where are my opinions and feelings based? sure its a simple thing to walk in, even without understanding. but you have spoken to me about it. about messyness. about the new man. and about your love. if i seek after you will you withdraw? certainly you would not. i approach you in the faith and spirit of your son and his transformation in me.
god what is this neutrality of my response to it. the truth is you are god. the truth is you are holy and i am not. the truth is that only in your mercy i have recieved life. let me be excited in that.
if a man marries his half sister its ok? unless they have sexual relations and then they are only cut off? all others in this regard are killed. why not these two? god over and over again you say "i am the lord, who makes you holy" maye i not just know that but exist that. you are god and by your grace i may be holy. you have made me holy. nothing else. you are god and you are holy.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Letting Go Of Sin
god i thank you for taking my sins away from me. for removing them from me and placing them on jesus on the cross. they are no longer mine. i am no longer impure. i am grateful and refreshed. thank you for taking my sin and sending it away.
lord remind me of my sending out the scapegoat when i doubt my forgiveness of impurity. remind me that i let the sin go and sent it away. when i am faced with situations i tend to sin in remind me the sin is gone and i dont want to invite it back. i rest assured in your forgiveness. it is done. may i remember that. may i rest in that assuredness.
july 10th. do i not work this day? do i deny myself? will atonement be made for me? will i be cleansed? does this tenth day of the seventh month hold significance for me. or has this once and finally been done for me. maybe i honor the day in remembrance and thangsgiving. well see. do you speak of a special service? to be baptised? to worship and sacrifice. sounds exciting! maybe god. maybe
lord remind me of my sending out the scapegoat when i doubt my forgiveness of impurity. remind me that i let the sin go and sent it away. when i am faced with situations i tend to sin in remind me the sin is gone and i dont want to invite it back. i rest assured in your forgiveness. it is done. may i remember that. may i rest in that assuredness.
july 10th. do i not work this day? do i deny myself? will atonement be made for me? will i be cleansed? does this tenth day of the seventh month hold significance for me. or has this once and finally been done for me. maybe i honor the day in remembrance and thangsgiving. well see. do you speak of a special service? to be baptised? to worship and sacrifice. sounds exciting! maybe god. maybe
The Necessity Of Sacrifice
i think god had different offerings for different things just for that. they were different. they had to be dealt with differently. fire requires water. water requires sun. to resolve one thing a different task is required than for another. and these sacrifices. what must be given to remove the other. ARE unique. of coarse they are. they need to be dealt with in specific ways. was it cruel to use the animals so? no. it was maybe a blessing for that animal. to be an instrument to restore man to god. when butchering animals it is done in a specific manner to not ruin the meat. justly the sacrifice is prepared in a way to not ruin the purpose. to require animals to be slain is not cruel. it is a sacrifice! to give up your food source. the good stuff. to sacrifice it so you may be restored. it is not cruel to the animal. these sacrifices arent made today because they dont have to be. our price has been paid. the lamb was slain. now and forever. jesus is a living sacrifice that was freely given for all days. of coarse god takes sin seriously. it is serious. it is the only thing that can seperate us. and he wants to be with us and that is why he desperately wants the sin to be dealt with. so that we can be together again. the sacrifice we are REQUIRED to bring to god is ourselves. to lay our lives down. to die in our flesh and recieve the new man we were created to be. thank you jesus.
unintentional sin? do i sin without meaning to? usually its a choice i make. not neccessarily happily but i knowingly choose to sin. ouch. that kinda hurts. but your word repeated "made aware of the sin" like it wasnt known that i did something wrong. and then i know. i guess so. cursing today. not even under my breath about the lady that stole. yes i chose to respond in anger and sin. then i found out she didnt steal, and i was made aware that my sin was not just my language but also against her. i called her a thief and attacked her character. she did not deserve it. i sinned against her, didnt know and then was made aware. of my sin. god make me aware of my sin. i want to seek forgiveness and sin no more. thank you jesus.
unintentional sin? do i sin without meaning to? usually its a choice i make. not neccessarily happily but i knowingly choose to sin. ouch. that kinda hurts. but your word repeated "made aware of the sin" like it wasnt known that i did something wrong. and then i know. i guess so. cursing today. not even under my breath about the lady that stole. yes i chose to respond in anger and sin. then i found out she didnt steal, and i was made aware that my sin was not just my language but also against her. i called her a thief and attacked her character. she did not deserve it. i sinned against her, didnt know and then was made aware. of my sin. god make me aware of my sin. i want to seek forgiveness and sin no more. thank you jesus.
God Encounters
god, the past 6 days. you have we have encountered. to sit and revel is almost asking to little of me. lord i want to share. ive tried to share. ive been afraid to share. but you have shared with me none the less. shared your love. shared your hope. shared your strength. and i say thankya. god you have spoken to me and wow. why have i missed this! what did i value more than time with you. sure its distinct everytime but its amazing. to find you and search you out and find you waiting for me. with love and wisdom on your tongue. thank you for the encouragement to start this journey. and whoah! it looks so far away. the finsh. but god one year is not the end. this isnt even the beginning. i thank you for reaching out to me and pulling me close to hear you. to hear you speak to me of rest. forgiveness. encouragement. yourself. of struggling to see you and hear you. to move beyond the hurts from others and to reach to them in love. to accept you provision. to SEE your provision. to overflow with your provision. god as i dip back into your word may you continue to speal and i continue to hear. may you lead me and teach me how to go about all of this. thank you for goving me the hope to experiment. lets work it out. lets find and record some results.
oh god may i know who speaks to me. may i be cautious and wise in what i believe. may i not be decieved and should i may i be strengthened to give you testimony. what i kow. what i did. and i may i be forward. no excuses. just own up to it.
lord may we wrestle. may we struggle. i dare not challenge you but i know we will come against. but god let us struggle. some tings will be easy. but when theyre not i dont want to give up. i want to fight through and OVERCOME. i want victory. and with you god lies the victory. you have won me over. i have seen your face and lived. let us continue to live.
ka. ka like the wind. god let us not think in terms of karma. or fate but as your plans, intentions and faith. god you work all things for my good. let me not distress in times of hardship but to walk in the great path that you will bring me through. you forgive and have given me a heart to match yours. though i pray i never have to decieve my brothers in need but to welcome them in blessing. god what happened in egypt. if there was famine and was ther oppression? joseph was over pharoah and he blessed israel then how does this love and mercy turn to slavery and oppression? that your people cry out and you hear?
and god you even reveal your plan to moses. god that pharoah would not relent so that all may see your power and strength and your purpose in this all. the exodus. my exodus. god who must i stand against for your glory and liberation? and nay i boldly stand.
god thank you for your provision. not too much not too little. may i obey your commandments and recieve your mana (what is it? provision) may i save some and place it in testimony for generations to see. to be encouraged. god are you speaking to me about a sort of time capsule for the youth? to give testimony of your provision and later show it to future generations? god i ask for clarity int his. how can we encourage with this mana? just hold onto it. remember it. share it.
god not that i need to know but am curious. why chisel the tablets and take them into your glory? just wondering. wonders to be done the likes have never been seen. lord have mercy on who you will have mercy and compassion on who you wil have compassion. that is you god. merciful and compassionate. thank you for that. for who you are.
thank you for these encounters. again i am amazied at how you use the same words (and then some) and speak more to me. to me. god lets continue. i still am longing to hear you. lets keep doing this. and then some. i will lift my eyes to you. thank you for being there. here. tomorrow. i am in love. amen
oh god may i know who speaks to me. may i be cautious and wise in what i believe. may i not be decieved and should i may i be strengthened to give you testimony. what i kow. what i did. and i may i be forward. no excuses. just own up to it.
lord may we wrestle. may we struggle. i dare not challenge you but i know we will come against. but god let us struggle. some tings will be easy. but when theyre not i dont want to give up. i want to fight through and OVERCOME. i want victory. and with you god lies the victory. you have won me over. i have seen your face and lived. let us continue to live.
ka. ka like the wind. god let us not think in terms of karma. or fate but as your plans, intentions and faith. god you work all things for my good. let me not distress in times of hardship but to walk in the great path that you will bring me through. you forgive and have given me a heart to match yours. though i pray i never have to decieve my brothers in need but to welcome them in blessing. god what happened in egypt. if there was famine and was ther oppression? joseph was over pharoah and he blessed israel then how does this love and mercy turn to slavery and oppression? that your people cry out and you hear?
and god you even reveal your plan to moses. god that pharoah would not relent so that all may see your power and strength and your purpose in this all. the exodus. my exodus. god who must i stand against for your glory and liberation? and nay i boldly stand.
god thank you for your provision. not too much not too little. may i obey your commandments and recieve your mana (what is it? provision) may i save some and place it in testimony for generations to see. to be encouraged. god are you speaking to me about a sort of time capsule for the youth? to give testimony of your provision and later show it to future generations? god i ask for clarity int his. how can we encourage with this mana? just hold onto it. remember it. share it.
god not that i need to know but am curious. why chisel the tablets and take them into your glory? just wondering. wonders to be done the likes have never been seen. lord have mercy on who you will have mercy and compassion on who you wil have compassion. that is you god. merciful and compassionate. thank you for that. for who you are.
thank you for these encounters. again i am amazied at how you use the same words (and then some) and speak more to me. to me. god lets continue. i still am longing to hear you. lets keep doing this. and then some. i will lift my eyes to you. thank you for being there. here. tomorrow. i am in love. amen
Monday, March 2, 2009
God Reveals Himself
god IS. physical. earth. on this rock (beside me(god)) cover you with my hand. my cleft where i put you.
beside me. a place right be side me.
i have a place for you with me. i want to be there. i have work to do with you, i want to do it. i have places to show you. i want to see them. rest beside me. walk with me. live with me. i want to spend my days in your arms.
your living (as actions) is what strikes me. that you meet with me, speak to me, is quality! you invite me to join you on your escapades. i desire inclusion. to be wanted. to share. you include and involve me in your workings. and how could anyone not desire that? your life. YOUR LIFE and you want me, to live with you. and you want me beside you. and you protect me from danger. you only expose me to what i can handle. does this clarity of character alter my understanding of your love? it gives me extra strength to have faith in you. a greater freedom to know i walk with you and how how you will keep me beside you. beside you. your protection. beside you. amen
are you sitting in the balcony? front row? back stage? standing? clapping? encouraging? frowning? taking note? i feel you are just out of frame (in a good way) big 'ol smile, standing proud, encouraging me i can do it. feeding me lines when i dont have them. your voice of love, does not sound angry about house of the dead, just softly saying, "theres better for you. it was fun but, is destroying. so lets take care of business." so god in the coming months enhance my perception of you. i want clarity in your expression to me. correction when needed and intensely joyous. i know you will try me. i know you will send me. i know you will love me. thank you. bring it on. i want to see you through it all. i can only see you where you are present. may i walk beside you.
beside me. a place right be side me.
i have a place for you with me. i want to be there. i have work to do with you, i want to do it. i have places to show you. i want to see them. rest beside me. walk with me. live with me. i want to spend my days in your arms.
your living (as actions) is what strikes me. that you meet with me, speak to me, is quality! you invite me to join you on your escapades. i desire inclusion. to be wanted. to share. you include and involve me in your workings. and how could anyone not desire that? your life. YOUR LIFE and you want me, to live with you. and you want me beside you. and you protect me from danger. you only expose me to what i can handle. does this clarity of character alter my understanding of your love? it gives me extra strength to have faith in you. a greater freedom to know i walk with you and how how you will keep me beside you. beside you. your protection. beside you. amen
are you sitting in the balcony? front row? back stage? standing? clapping? encouraging? frowning? taking note? i feel you are just out of frame (in a good way) big 'ol smile, standing proud, encouraging me i can do it. feeding me lines when i dont have them. your voice of love, does not sound angry about house of the dead, just softly saying, "theres better for you. it was fun but, is destroying. so lets take care of business." so god in the coming months enhance my perception of you. i want clarity in your expression to me. correction when needed and intensely joyous. i know you will try me. i know you will send me. i know you will love me. thank you. bring it on. i want to see you through it all. i can only see you where you are present. may i walk beside you.
The Bread God Has Given
needyness. of what. they got what they needed (out of egypt) excited to see god again? yes. why? cause hes near enough to complain to. i dont think there was much confusion about it. it was enough to know it was from god and they should have been used to gods strange actions. enough. sustaining. fullfillment. easy. accesible.
lack of direction. ive been perplexed by the larger lack of response to my complaining. rather its not the response that i want to hear. (this is where you have called me presently) though god you have provided for me. the different areas of opportunity and shoot, just you have been and given me a place and a person to be, and people to be with. exactly what i needed in those moments. a slap in the face, or a hug and an ear.
i feel the enoughness in my body with a job to do. and i delight in the job youve kept me in, and the place to volunteer. god it is enough. and it is good.
lack of direction. ive been perplexed by the larger lack of response to my complaining. rather its not the response that i want to hear. (this is where you have called me presently) though god you have provided for me. the different areas of opportunity and shoot, just you have been and given me a place and a person to be, and people to be with. exactly what i needed in those moments. a slap in the face, or a hug and an ear.
i feel the enoughness in my body with a job to do. and i delight in the job youve kept me in, and the place to volunteer. god it is enough. and it is good.
Learning To Pay Attention
the unique encounter was when i accepted gods love and salvation. almost really a burning bush. it was like the sounds of the earth were muted. and everything faded. a thunderous noise calling my name. full of fury. full of anger. full of dissapointment. overflowing with love. once he had my attention he explained his love for me and i asked for it. just me and god. he didnt burn up or out.
standing on holy ground could mean that it shouldnt be tainted by things of this world (shoes) (even though said holy ground was a chunk of earth that was wholly ruined) or he meant let your feet be annointed so they may carry you on gods holy path.
god is holy. my life is not. was not. can be when it is gods life. when i hand him the reins. when i walk in his will, his spirit, his holyness. i am him...to the world. the differance is i can be exposed to gods holyness without fear of condemnation.
you did reveal yourself to me today in the encouragement of my dad. to invest into my future living situations.
the word, homeless/beggers
read, look, share, pray, bless
living sensative to your spirit.
standing on holy ground could mean that it shouldnt be tainted by things of this world (shoes) (even though said holy ground was a chunk of earth that was wholly ruined) or he meant let your feet be annointed so they may carry you on gods holy path.
god is holy. my life is not. was not. can be when it is gods life. when i hand him the reins. when i walk in his will, his spirit, his holyness. i am him...to the world. the differance is i can be exposed to gods holyness without fear of condemnation.
you did reveal yourself to me today in the encouragement of my dad. to invest into my future living situations.
the word, homeless/beggers
read, look, share, pray, bless
living sensative to your spirit.
A Picture Of Forgiveness
brothers
forgiveness in the weeping, in receiving his brothers, in understanding god and the faith.
to forget, to love anyway, humbling
to make known, to accept love, humbling, comforting, undeserved.
that i am loved enough that my transgressions are forgiven, are forgot, are lost. that is what i respond to. to talk intimately and openly and still be loved. that it is not counted against me.
to call mom. to get rid of house of the dead. for i live in the house of life!
"let not the needy, o lord, be forgotten; nor the hope of the poor be taken away."
do not be selfish. think of others. the needy. the poor. consider them. be an encouragement and example.
forgiveness in the weeping, in receiving his brothers, in understanding god and the faith.
to forget, to love anyway, humbling
to make known, to accept love, humbling, comforting, undeserved.
that i am loved enough that my transgressions are forgiven, are forgot, are lost. that is what i respond to. to talk intimately and openly and still be loved. that it is not counted against me.
to call mom. to get rid of house of the dead. for i live in the house of life!
"let not the needy, o lord, be forgotten; nor the hope of the poor be taken away."
do not be selfish. think of others. the needy. the poor. consider them. be an encouragement and example.
Wrestling In The Night
whats your name? my name is dusty. and what is your name? (everlasting father) why do you want to know my name? why do i? so i can know you. but cant i do that without knowing your name? surely it is possible. so i can know who seeks after me. to KNOW who cares for me. was he god? was god defeated by a man? was he an angel? perhaps. he was a man, a vessel. an instrument of god. i am jacob. making plans to the future but letting others take them while i stay back.
wanting desperately to know more of god, i think ive made that clear as my purpose. god here is my pvhj - let me not be concerned with the fact that someone reads this. i am praying to you. to talk with you, not to impress others or look good. i want to learn about you. anything. your character, plan, love, nickname, birthday, favorite song, lord i want to know you more, may you lead me to you. reveal your secrets and all your mysteries. dont allow me to look for you in only one place. everywhere i look lord show me yourself. in a bush, at work, your word. god may i be strengthened to look for you, to pray without ceasing. to be a constant offering. amen.
its scary. to desire to be: in love, a father, a student. i want it to feel right. i want to feel normal, supported
comforted
normal
supported
comforted
i rest in these
wanting desperately to know more of god, i think ive made that clear as my purpose. god here is my pvhj - let me not be concerned with the fact that someone reads this. i am praying to you. to talk with you, not to impress others or look good. i want to learn about you. anything. your character, plan, love, nickname, birthday, favorite song, lord i want to know you more, may you lead me to you. reveal your secrets and all your mysteries. dont allow me to look for you in only one place. everywhere i look lord show me yourself. in a bush, at work, your word. god may i be strengthened to look for you, to pray without ceasing. to be a constant offering. amen.
its scary. to desire to be: in love, a father, a student. i want it to feel right. i want to feel normal, supported
comforted
normal
supported
comforted
i rest in these
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