Talking With God

god listened. manoah asked questions. manoah and his wife listened. would i have asked his name or another question? how could i say. theres more to it than that though. i mean. they know it is the angel of the lord yet they are still testing it. i dont think i would be asking his name as they did (are you god). but i migh thave asked his name to say____ appeared to us and spoke on gods behalf. to know my friends name. i cant think of any questin i would ask though. as for talking to god face down...they werent. as the angel ascended they fell face down. he didnt show himself again. they "realized" it was the angel of the lord and talked to each other. they put their faces in the ground because of the fear/beliefe that if they saw the glroy of the lord they would die. no to talk. they may have been expecting an answer but i dont think they were. they had already gotten it.
whats it like to talk to god in this position? not comfortable. not practical. not necessary. it migh tbe meant as an humbling posture but its not. how is it humble to bury your face in the ground to seek my god and savior. its mostly foolish. i dont have to do that to talk to god so why would i? god has invited us into his presence as we are. and so we come. and we become better. surely my face in the ground is not an improvement. now i may put my face to the ground in worship or reverance but not to talk. a servane may say i humble myself before you and do so. but they will not talk in such a position.
god i dont think your allowing this argument so that i will lie here on my face. because im trying to pray. trying to ask for your spirit here. your love and peace. but my attention is divided between discomfort and the argument. in fact god im upset and angry that your letting this happen. why cant you end it already. whatever end you have for them. why havent you brought them there yet. why, when all this is happening is more hurt for everyone and just ruining lives. or days. whatever. either way i cant see you in this. its nothing but the enemy. stealing joy. breaking up family. robbing childhood. fueling unlove amongst us. setting bad examples. but god i want you here. in this house, in these rooms, in our hearts, in our lives, in our mouths, in uor actions, in our tones. god we need you! god i so want you here. come now!
ok manoah didnt know it was the angel of the lord. but they should have trusted instead of tested. they should have known. but such is the human condition.

When You Can't Take The Credit

lord when have i taken the credit? im sure at some point i have. i know sunday was all you. and every time i do step in front of the students to speak i know it is only by your strength and intervention. and its hard for me to have people say good job when i know it wasnt me. its a given in my opinion. so why do i like to recieve praise and recognition? i try to say it wasnt me but who believes modesty. i think at camp you gave me the game and i passed it off as my own. either way god it is by your grace, strength, and mercy that i live and walk. i want to know that have it be known. god you get the credit and glory.
moving out
better job
career
complete healing with mom
god these can only happen in you. pretty sure ive proved incapable of those on my own. so god when they pass we all will know it was you.

An Unqualified Yes

my reactions to the isrealites is yeah right! sure. you say that now. how could you say that knowing how youve already done this same thing a few times and still forsaken god or knowing what he will ask of you. but this reaction is based on knowledge i have that they wont stay commited like they say they want to. i do relate to them in both desire and failure. nevermore have i wanted god than i do presently. yet i know ive failed beforeand fallen short of my desires. but my faith is that gods spirit has begun a work in me and I WILL see it finished. my desire is that god will cahnge my heart which in its "nature" is inconsistant. it beats constantly, its rate increase, it murmurs, it fails, it stops, it gets started again, it beats irregularly. im sure times have passed over the heart being the metaphorical essance of man. but that clearly depicts my walk. and im scared because of that. i want to take care of my heart. to have a strong heart. fullfilling its purpose in its utmost capacity. god from my birth i have lived the same life as an israelite but your son made a way for me to be transformed. and i am. but i dont want to change back. only forward. upgrades. i will not forsake you. let my yes be my yes and my no be my no. to all else i have exacted let it have my no. and god you recieve my yes and my worship.
it as intense. their passion stood out. mine too. i want to keep that. while the evidence points towards such fickleness and its been proven the zeal and passion has been proven as well. god i feel you leading me to keep such passion in my head, heart, and mouth. and what brought it on? nothing but faith. may i keep the faith!
when i look at my history and you god how could i not have passion for you! and i like that seeing before the common part of the verse. worship this or worship that but as for me, i will serve the lord. and too god the witness. we are witnesses against ourselves and so to is your land. (or stone) god it has heard all of your words to me and will not stand in my defense if i am untrue to you.

God Encounters

oh god as i lay reflecting on how weve met this week so boldly you stand out as i soght after you, your word, and your heart in preparation to speka today. im just so amazed that you spoke and revealed so much to me through titus. to live a good life, to encourage that so much, the all inclusiveness of your salvation. to get our lives right. to call out to our good firends. to cry out to you for rescue. god your living word just astounds me so much. how you spoke then, now, and this present age. you are amazing. and i thank you so much for your challanges to me. that god if i do want to pursue after this ministry you are gonna show me how it can be. 3 services. setting up the night before. getting sick. not sleeping. running everything. but god you strengthened me and carried me through it and i love and thanky ou so much. god may i look to you always and in times of stress and trials. it was by your grace today lord that i faithfully walked. may i keep testimony of this for encouragement lord. and for tonight lord. oh how i love just to sit in your prersence. worshiping. praying. ministering. resting. god may you continue what you are doing and thank you for having us be a part of it. may we better walk in our vision, prayer, and excitement for this service. most importantly god we want your will and not our own. help us to love and live you.
god while i may bnot have done a good job at memnorizing the verse lord i still want to. i will continue to memorize it. and i thank you for rescueing me out oif the egypt of petty annoyance. god may my heart continue to change and to hold with love and forgiveness in this situation.
and living in your spirit. thank you for your spirit and for your sacrifice that i can approach you. lord such a great week of testimony to live in your spirit. just getting to be lead and move in prayer, teaching, encouraging, and loving. again may i keep these testimonies as encouragement.
god just the reminder that i was once a slave was a good encouragement to continue to be your new creation. and its so amazing to sit here and see how you had been speeking to me here all week was preperation for speaking. the verse, the encouragement, and your living word stressed to impress upon me. and god that i would live the good life of your love and to leave that legacy that is an example of your love, and life, and creation.
and being courageous. being bold. not hesitant. while i know what you wanted from me tonight acknowledging it was a a good step for me. but i pray that you continue to strengthen me in this boldness respond to your call.
and that i would have the faith to inquire of you god. what you would have (or not have) for me. and that i would really listen for your voice in decisions for this life. so again god i thank you for loving me this week and showing me. i want to continue to have this spirit of joy and excitement to seek you in devotion and to not let this become a task. so god thank you for blessing me and giving me people to bless. heres to week 4! amen