God Encounters

well god this is one ive been kinda thinking of all day and tonight you just drove it home. reflect on how weve encountered this week...well it was last night and today. just realigning my heart in this to you. i need to choose to seek you and invite you to meet me here. i cant expect you to reveal yourself if im just doing this just cause and not even with you. so god help me to remember you. to have the spirit of wanting to find you. of purposefully seeking you and you will reveal yourself to me. thank you for spealing to me ttoday. through laura, chad, nick, katie, and haper. it was so good talk like that and to come into your presence looking for you. qw love you lord and thank you for the blessings. and your word to be patient. god forgive me for choosing stuff over you last week. this week god i choose you. and always. but this is thgat step. so i look forward to meeting you again tomorow.

Honoring Others

he could have crawled in or been carried in. im confused by the story. is the "stray dog" sauls grandson. why was he a stray? did he leave israel? what brought him back? where is his childs mother? he got all of sauls and then david gave him servants to take care of it all while meph just lived practically with david. i guess i could only relate to ziba. a servant. with a perfect servants heart. not that im perfect but to want to do all that my master has called me to. i dont really see the message of honoring people. i dont think these coat tails are ridden because of honr. oh the kings grandson he shall be treated LIKE one of the royal family. clearly hes not royal family because that would be davids fam. but i guess he is kinda family in there. but it says he took his meals like he was family not cause he was. it just really looks like david is trying to bless him by giving him stuff and people to take care of it and him. it looks like blessing not honor.
what holds me back form following god completely? what does that mean to follow you completely. yes i want to be obediant to you and your word but i fail. whether its responding in your time frame or even at all. so i would not be able to follow you completely, and if i did wouldnt that make me a drone (not what god wants for us to be). god is seen in our brokenness not in our completeness. he completes us. i am not complete without him. so how can I follow HIM completely without HIM. god you hole me back from following me completely. or is it me?

aha! the rest of the chapter makes it clear that david is looking to bless not to honr. and meph was carried in. crippled feet. take care of him. bless him. help him. care for him. provide for him. a dead or stray dog...bless the lowly.

God's Track Record With Me

bless me family. i am grateful that you have changed my heart. that i want to have a family. rather love for my family. instead of the resentment and bitterness i now want restoration and thank you for beginning this work in me. you have brought me our of relationships in family. out of unloving conditions. out of uncertainty and confusion. your heroism towards me was evident in how you saved my life. throwing out the nations of drugs. the gods of flesh and desire. and for the future god, you know i ask for a happy career and loving family.

Pain, Disappointment, And Heartbreak

my response to heartbreak? depression. although heartbreak is being used differently here than my general understanding of the word. so i guess contextually my response would be sorrowfull, yet joyous, and definitely confused. i dont know how to deal with this and that would be noticable. i would think davids response is healthy. of coarse who decides what is or isnt healthy. but yeah to be so stricken with the deat of his father and brother. in his grief he is expressing his honor. and its big for him to react like this when the throne is now his and the one who tried to keep it from him is dead. to exercise that kind of forgiveness is definitely healthy.
oh god your rebelious people have fallen. we have been captured by those who came against us. in foreign land i reside. amongst fear and anger, and an unjust ruler. i am treated mercilessly, addressed with contempt, and restrained by lies. but god you have promised deliverance. and it is to that i am reaching for. that your favor will once again dwell in this house. lord i will honor you and through that day. your servant will not hide. and will not be still. i shall not sit idly and be governed by false rulers. no god in captivity i will fight for your name. there is no call to surrender here but a call to arms. dark days shall be overthrown by your light.
did the amelkite really finish off saul? and why did david have him put to death? if saul was already dying (by his own sword) he was easing the pain for him, helping him. but he said saul was leaning on his spear. impaled? staggering? i dont know which. but does it count as killing the lords annointed? he asked him to. saul thought it better then dying by the philistines hands. but i think david was just mad that hise dad died and wanted somebody to be responsable and punished. he loved him so much that he couldnt let him not be avenged. even though it wasnt a death deserving vengeance.

Honoring And Valuing Others

god who are my enemies? what does that even mean. someone im out to get and they want to get me too. or somebody i just dont like. cause i know theres no one trying to get me. and im certainly not trying to get anyone. do i ever think or wish ill on anyone? theres a few people that bother me but i dont care. i just let it be. pray for my enemies and ask for help to honor them. ok. i dont have enemies. but i do need help honoring my parents. so god that is my prayer help me to love and honor my mom and dad.

And God Help You!

i like davids courage. i would knock it down and rescue the lamb. if it wanted to fight i would kill it. whats one man to someone whos faced bears and lions. and to turn down the armor. and to have the faith that god will deliver him. i think i would have that confidence and faith. you know when god has called you to do something so david just boldly walks in it. i think i would act like that too. accept i wouldnt take the armor to begin with. ide be like i got gods armor i dont need this bronze.
lord have mercy. i am anxious about money righ tnow. i generally dont care and im fine but right now i have so little, not working much. and need to pay my bills. im ok that i dont have money to have fun with. but im just scared that it somehow wont be enough for bills. but god i know you are enough. you will take care of me and provide for me. thank you for your love and care and attention to me. what can i do to direct my attention to you? just pray and than thank you for your provision and time i start to think about the money and if it will be enough. and just to faith that you are enough god.

Is God Enough?

sometimes i do want to be like others, and thats strange. but i dont think im ever confronted to make changes. whether i believe them to be wrong or not im just not told to change by anyone. so that means i most resemble the israelites wanting a king.
i want to be like____. nick/brandon/me. that cheats me out of what god wants for me because...well does it? i mean i still want to be me. but with parts from other people. yes it does cheat me. god wants me to be dusty. plain and simple. now i may have a little nick or brandon in me but i am called to be dusty. 100% me. if im trying to be womewhat not myself that is rejecting god and i woudl disqualify myself. i do trust god to give me what i need. thats how i live. god you are my provider. its not odd and its not compared to other peoples lives. we all know and accept that we are called to an individual level. so our concern is not with others but with myself.
whats teh advantage of trusting you more in those things? frustrated by wanted to be like others? i dont think i am. my frustration lies in not having what they have. not wanting to be like them. so what is it i want. acceptance, trust, faith, something figured out. trusting you in these is advantageous because i would have them. where they count. in you.