one dream that i had and let go was to be a rapper. i was young, and shoot it still sounds fun but ive learned enough of myself that i know i dont have it and that it wasnt intended for me. but i continue to dream of somehow being involved with music. recording, playing, making, engineering, they appeal to me but how much and why. a dream that i have picked up though is youth ministry. tying to figure it out still but looking to be more involved. and potentially on a professional level.
god i ask that you reveal to me your dreams. make them my dreams. show me what to put down and what to pick up. give me vision for the next steps and strength to walk in them. god help me to find my path. and to have the strength to stand and walk in it. and help me to be ready. ready to go.ready to responsd when your appointed time arrives. help me to be patient. to have faith in you and your timing.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
God Feels The Pain
i dont know who i am but all i can hear is screaming. i guess that just makes me a civilian. not hearing gods words of discipline just death and screaming and i dont know why. theres prayer too. for deliverance, safety, mercy, why is this happeneing! and at suppertime it stops. well what would have been supper time. ive been cowering all day that no food has been prepared. the streets are croded with dead and inquiring neighbors. rumor spreads that gods punishment is being served. what did we do? where is our sin? pray! david pray for us. ask for mercy. ask god to stop. and he does! praise god you have removed your hand from against us. let us offer sacrifices and peace offereings. i did not see gods interaction with the angel. such an awesome sight surely would have ruined me. but i dont imagine it being an elaborate event. the angel turns its ear to god. god syas i have seen their pain and fear, sheath your sword and be done. and he was. but just the idea that god felt my pain. my fear. and took mercy. god you are goodto me. thank you for your mercy and love.
david, you knew what you did and you went straight ot god. and really, whats 70,000 people when you just counted over a million warriors. but everyone of your subjects holds value like we do to god. and that god would not want to bring about disaster on his people. such lover. thank you fod that you dont want anything to bring harm upon me, not even of your own work. and david you knew how to do it too. you would not sacrifice something you didnt pay for. cause thats not realy a sacrifice. god let me be strengthened and encouraged bu this example to keep short accounts with you. to speak with you about how i feel and to give you proper sacrifice, worship, and praise.
david, you knew what you did and you went straight ot god. and really, whats 70,000 people when you just counted over a million warriors. but everyone of your subjects holds value like we do to god. and that god would not want to bring about disaster on his people. such lover. thank you fod that you dont want anything to bring harm upon me, not even of your own work. and david you knew how to do it too. you would not sacrifice something you didnt pay for. cause thats not realy a sacrifice. god let me be strengthened and encouraged bu this example to keep short accounts with you. to speak with you about how i feel and to give you proper sacrifice, worship, and praise.
Loving Those In The Here And Now
i guess i feel like the army, undervalued. by work and by family. the army, after winning the days battle feels confused because their king is saddened by the outcome. they dont receive praise, honor, recognition, rest. just ignored. like they were fighting for nothing. so the army presents themselves to the king. here i am. ready for duty. morale is low but im still with you. give me reason. give me purpose. how am i like this army? after all my struggle i receive no recognition and it all goes unseen. as if i didnt do anything. work does not care for me or even know i exist. if they give me reason to stay i would. but i am ready to desert. do i speak up? do i value myself more than i should?
again i find this book misleading. david was right to mourn. now he didnt do everything right but he wasnt being lame like this made him out to be. his generals disobeyed his direct orders, his soldiers knew it. and he didnt addrerss that. he should have congradulated the armies on their battle and then grieved collectively because of absaloms death and the treachery. david is full of love and thats amazing. he just gets too caught up in it. let me not get caught up in love. see beyond my nose and have wisdom to bless.
again i find this book misleading. david was right to mourn. now he didnt do everything right but he wasnt being lame like this made him out to be. his generals disobeyed his direct orders, his soldiers knew it. and he didnt addrerss that. he should have congradulated the armies on their battle and then grieved collectively because of absaloms death and the treachery. david is full of love and thats amazing. he just gets too caught up in it. let me not get caught up in love. see beyond my nose and have wisdom to bless.
An Absalom Moment
i think im tempted to steal everyones hearts when josh is around. im sure theres more recent but i can only remember standing with mic just trying to find any comment or joke that would be more entertaining than josh on the other mic. what is the root of this temptation. i want to be liked. i want attention. i want to be adored. part of it is i dont think its right that josh can just show up whenever and...well just be josh. its almost like he has no committment and just pops in for an ego boost. but i know thats not it. thats the lie. why am i jealous of that attention when i get some of it all the time. but i shouldnt want or get that attention for myself. i want to turn that to god. for students to be excited when god shows up. thats how i can avoid that. is to remember its all for god.
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